Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Things I Haven't Done


I often write about my experiences on this blog and recently I’ve been thinking about things I’ve never done and probably never will do. For instance I’ve never been to a topless bar. I’ve never had a lap dance. I’ve never been in a gay bar. I’ve never been with a prostitute, though I did know someone who was prostituting herself to pay her way through medical school.

I do have one funny prostitute story. I was in Hawaii near the Marriot in Wakiki, and friendly young woman wearing tight black clam diggers and a tied above the stomach buttoned Hawaiian shirt approached me with an unlit cigarette. She asked me if I had a match, and I told her that I didn’t smoke and I didn’t have a match. She then asked if I wanted some company for an hour or so. I realized she was a hooker and my answer was, “Sorry, but I don’t date smokers.” She laughed and walked looking for another match.

8 Comments:

Blogger Hahn at Home said...

Guy...that was too much. I spit Mountain Dew all over my computer screen.

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Auntie said...

Guy - what a great story. This is classic "Guy" except I am shocked that you have never been to a topless bar.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Interesting to note the theme of your "never done" list - all pertaining to sex.
Hopefully, no regrets...

10:37 AM  
Blogger LeLo in NoPo said...

Oh Guy you're so sweet and innocent. I read your opening sentences...
I’ve never been to a topless bar.--done that
I’ve never had a lap dance.--done that
I’ve never been in a gay bar.--done that
But alas, I've never been with a prostitute, thankfully.

11:06 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Lori, Mountain Dew at 6:24 am? Girl! What's up with that?

Auntie, the reason is probably because I don't hang out with guys. I don't hang out with anyone and going into a place like that alone is just creepy.

OK Beth, I'm working on the non sexual list now as well, but it won't have a hooker story at the end.

Lelo, I knew you'd have a limit. I need to hang out with you and Wink for a while just to get my sheltered life turned around.

11:28 AM  
Anonymous thartill said...

I think it's time for me and you to head out on the town....we can take care of most of your items in a few hours :-)

BTW does going to Uniontown count as "going to a gay bar"?

BTW here is my word verify thingy...

ugayeffm

10:08 PM  
Anonymous gearhead said...

Prostitution is rape-for-a-price.
If one examines the wild kingdom, they will find that across the many species, there is order in the proper circumstance for sexual activity.
Our species on the other hand, with our "superior brains" seem hell bent on taking our wonderful sexuallity to the most perverted and least benifitial extremes both for ourselves and for society.
Why???
I went on a business trip a few years back with a few fellows who after the session was over, as we were driving away, decided to go to a strip joint.
I told them to pull over and let me out. I had no interest in exploiting the exploited.
After much argument, I agreed to go to Hooters, which is a burger joint with cute young gals in skimpy, but properly skimpy attire.
First impression for me was that I felt sorry for the awfully cute gals for the terrible working conditions that I observed.
(Newport Beach, CA)
Beach Boys music blasting out of the cheapest speakers, so it was shrill and loud.
Can you imagine working for 8 hours anywhere with that?
Understaffed, running their cute asses off, with louses hitting on them all day, for lousy wages.
I felt sorry for them.
I expressed this to my people as we drove away and here's the answer I got:
"Don't kid yourself. They were loving every minute of all of those guys slobbering all over them."

I wanted to show my middle finger to every one in the car after hearing that brilliant proclimation.

I am glad to be from another world of love, committment, thoughtfulness, tommorrow, and memories of yesterday.

You are a good guy, Guy!
I am glad to here that you, like I, have taken the high road and don't regret the road not taken.

10:38 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

TH, are you talking of the Cafe' or the whole area of town?

Gearhead, did you tip well?

7:30 AM  

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