Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Douche Bags

Continuing with Readers Revenge Week, which is where the readers got to choose the topics I write about this week. Gearhead wanted me to illuminate the term “Douche Bag.” It is a very East Coast term, and I would miss being there every time I heard Sipewitz on NYPD Blue call some one a douche bag. It’s just something you don’t hear people saying in the Pacific Northwest.

The Urban Dictionary had 107 definitions for the term Douche Bag and these are those I found to be most accurate in my view,

Douche Bag(n) {French, fr. Italian "doccia"}US: \düsh 'bag\
International \du:ç; bæg\
1. An object used for vaginal hygeine.
2. A person that is a total moron and doesn't think before he/she speaks or acts.
3. One with an undescribeable idiocy, hence stupidity, poor idea of what's cool, possibly an arrogance about them.
4. One with an intolerable personality.

I, your humble narrator was once on a personal quest to find the true meaning of the malady of being a douche bag. My research came to a conclusion at a restaurant in Englewood, New Jersey. Back then I had friends and we would hang out together all the time. We often found our selves dining together.

On one particular evening we were at a table ranking on Karl, a member of our small subculture who was seated with us at the time. We were trying to determine if Carl was merely a douche bag, of if he was an asshole as most of us had suspected.

At that moment Carl farted rather loudly, and we all said that he was definitely an asshole. Then this dorky waiter came to our table and exclaimed, “It smells like sweet potato pie at this table.” At that point we knew the true definition. An asshole is someone who intentionally does or says something stupid, a douche bag is one who unintentionally does or says something stupid.

It is very possible to be both, by the way. One could intentionally do something and have it turn around with unanticipated results. Had Carl farted and soiled himself he would have achieved both distinctions.

To this day, this is the rule with which I measure the difference. I hope this has been helpful to your multi-cultural understanding.


Blogger Beth said...

Helpful?? Not so sure about that.
Interesting? In a perverse sort of way.
Sounds like a swell dinner out with friends. "Sweet potato pie??"

7:26 AM  
Blogger LeLo in NoPo said...

I've come to really like the term Fucktard. It has a hard hitting punch with a retro twist. I don't think it smells like sweet potato pie though.

5:50 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Beth, to this day I will not eat sweet potato pie.

Lelo, I kind of like that one, too. BTW tomorrow is your post. I've had people contacting me all week wanting to know when I'd run it. Nosy bastards...rat bastards all of em... ; )

6:39 PM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

He's such a good writer that...

...he can make a column about douchebags interesting!

Still, eww...

10:13 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Thanks, Mo3. Maybe I'll put that on my head stone ;)

6:08 AM  

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