Saturday, November 17, 2007

Boring Music


This is usually the time of year when there is a big push to get new music out before the public for their holiday shopping pleasure. Music sales have been kind of flat over the past few years. Some blame the flat sales on illegal music downloads, however I think it is boredom that is tanking the industry.

There has been a release of two long awaited albums in the last month. Both are boring beyond words. First there is the new collaboration between Alison Krauss and Robert Plant. This collection puts forth a new definition of the word boring. Their voices are well matched, however just about all the songs suck...really badly. They are just about all lullabies. I can't stop yawning. OK, here's my song by song review of the album:

Rich Woman: No one doing anything exciting there. It's like a tune
Chris Isaak would do if he were playing at a retirement home.

King of the Blues: Blue Bayou with a pedal steel. Maybe a lullaby.

Sister Roseta Goes Before Us: Who let the Gypsies in the room? What
the Gypsies have banjos? Fuck we're all doomed!

Polly Come Here: A dirge? Oh my god, doesn't this song ever end? I
can't keep my eyes open.

Gone, Gone, Gone: He should have done this song with Olivia Newton
John in Grease.

Through the Morning, Through the Night: Oh fuck, now I want to kill
myself.

Please Read the Letter: Robert, god damn it put your teeth back in.

Trampled Rose: With this song I envision myself sitting wet in the
rain in the woods with a pistol contemplating ending it all. Fuck do
I hear gypsies again or is it Uhura from Star Trek doing a fan dance
in the distance trying to seduce an alien?

Fortune Teller: OK they are running out of ideas, they'll write about
anything. Cha Cha Cha.

Stick With Me Baby: She should have done this song with Aaron
Neville…on second thought no one should have done this song.

Nothin: Finally some sound… well that didn't last long.

Let Your Loss be Your Lesson: Finally a Lesbian song! Krauss would
make a pretty hot Lesbian, don't you think?

Your Long Journey: Where's Mother Maybell?

The other totally boring album is Joni Mitchell’s “Shine.” Totally boring! Why isn’t there anyone putting out music that one would want to listen to more than once. I want to hear a song for the first time and shout, “Damn, that was good!” and I want to keep hitting the replay button on the CD player. I want at least one song that is so good and unique that I want to make an entire CD of that song just so I can play it over and over again without needing to hit the replay button. No artists out seem to be giving me a reason to live these days.

So what and I listening to these days? Rufus Wainwright, but to make the CD that I'm listening to I had to pull songs off of five albums to make one good CD with 14 songs.

If the music industry wants us to start buying music again they have to give us something good to buy. Rat bastards...

13 Comments:

Blogger Auntie said...

....all of them!

Thanks for your comprehensive review. If you dislike it so much, throw it my way. Sounds like I would really dig it after your really wonderful descriptions. Really.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous gearhead said...

Yeah. Majorly sucky.
I'm thinking of mailing it to Kruas and asking her to burn somthing decent on the disc.
Thats what we should all do. Mail the CDs back to Kruas.
What a let down.
And what happened to Union Station?

9:11 AM  
Blogger Jaggy said...

This is why my generation is finding the works of Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, etc. Every song was a good song, and the re-released, re-mastered sounds can come out of our iPods (or not, in my case, since I still don't have one).

9:14 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Gearhead, Auntie has first dibs on my copy, but yours is a good idea except it will cost you even more to send it. Use the CD in your garden to frighten the birds.

Jaggy, don't forget Johnny Mercer and Hoagie Carmichael. Those dudes could write.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Mike S said...

Just saved me some $$$!! Thanks:-)

11:56 AM  
Blogger Lee said...

ya know Guy, I actually like this collaboration a lot....it's different, it's not standard for either one of them by any means...but it's a cool experiment and that's one of the things I think T-Bone Burnett does better than just about anybody...I think it's worth a listen

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is a bit of a yawner, but it's good to make out to. The new John Fogerty is pretty darn good if you ask me.

8:59 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Making out? A concept of combining that with music hasn't presented to me since I had a 1972 Torino. Thanks for the flash back.

11:30 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

I love seeing (reading) this side of you!

7:48 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Beth, thanks Darlin, I think...
I'm actually a funny sight. Imagine a gray haired guy driving around in a pick-up truck blasting Nirvana or minimalist opera. Fellini would love me.

8:20 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

I got this album when it first came out. Listened to it (sort of) once, and then never again. Until today. I listented through it (painfully). and then got to the "lesbian" song. I'm like, "Whhhhaatt is this?". So I googled the song title and "Lesbian". That is what brought me to your blog. Great run down of the songs. You made me laugh out loud. A lot.

Speaking of two people who you wouldn't imagine together, have you heard the Ricky Skaggs & Bruce Hornsby collaboration? They remade "SuperFreak". It's HILARIOUS. and FRIGHTENING.

5:54 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

I got the Alison Krauss/Robert Plant album when it first came out. Listened to it once, (sort of) and then never again. Until today. It was so hard to get through the songs. Then I get to what you call the "Lesbian song". I'm like, "Ok. WHAT IS THIS?" So I googled, "Alison Krauss Let Love be your Lesson Lesbian". Which brought me to your post. You made me laugh out loud over and over. I actually started the album over and listened to the first bits of the songs, alongside your comments. SO funny.
Thanks for the humor.

Check out another strange collaboration, RIcky Skaggs and Bruce Hornsby. They remade "Superfreak". It's OUT THERE. Hilarious, and also rather frightening. Check it out.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Guy said...

Rebecca, Wow, I wrote that so long ago I'd forgotten how funny it was. I've found that when two singers have to team up there is some sort of problem with both of their careers.

10:17 AM  

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