Monday, February 11, 2008

Please Don't Stink

I’m sure we’ve all been somewhere where there was someone who overdosed themselves in perfume or scented body wash. OK folks, a little goes a long way, trust me. I know you’ve probably been traumatized by being stuck with someone who smelled bad, which convinced you that you had to totally reverse the rolls to prevent anyone from being offended by you. Well, that is a bad perception. Even if what you are wearing smells good, the concentration of a years worth of scent being dispensed in one day really ruins the effect you are going for.

When I look at a stinker I envision stink lines emitting and radiating from them. Here are two ways you can tell you stink with out people telling you.

1. If you douse yourself and you and no one tells you that you smell nice, you don’t smell nice.
2. If you are wearing any patchouli you stink, even if you put it on last week, you still stink. Even if you were in a room of people who were wearing it, you stink.

Trust me, patchouli oil is to perfume what Boone's Farm is to wine. It was OK in high school when you were trying to cover up the smell of pot, but if you are an adult you should no longer use the stuff. Just like you should have graduated from Boone's farm to a better wine or at least a fortified wine.

Please don’t think that since no one is telling you that you stink that you are free and clear. You still stink.

Now if several people come up to tell you smell nice you can be pretty confident that you got it right. Don’t go crazy. More is not better. Keep it right where you have it.

If you are unsure of a new fragrance, put it on your ankles. Get it as far away as possible form the nose. If it’s tolerable you should try migrating it to your wrists. Do not apply it anywhere above your elbows. No neck or hair or chest.

Also, men are more apt to be attracted to food smells, citrus, fruit, vanilla… We like musk, too. Keep it just at a hint level, and never make it smell like a meal.


Blogger Auntie said...

My, aren't you the scent dictator! You know sometimes if I think I am bound to run into you on any given day I purposely wear patchouli.

6:50 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

This is a first - a lesson from a male as to wearing perfume. (Appreciated though.)
I have confirmation that I am not a "stinker."
I'm thinking..."eau de pizza" (just a hint - not a meal) might appeal to some males.

9:03 AM  
Blogger weese said...

the trick is this. one should always smell nice - whether thats fresh and clean or scented with perfumes. but.. no one should really 'smell' you unless they are pretty close.
the personal.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Uncle Walt said...

"eau de fresh-baked-cookies" is my favorite.

I think the same guidelines apply to potpourrie. Just a hint of scent.

10:09 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Auntie, the last time I saw you you were wearing patchouli, and you wonder why I you haven't seen me in months...

Beth, somehow I don't think the scent of hot cheese, pepperoni and mushrooms goes well on women. I once dated a woman who was a cook and she smelled like a deep fryer. I couldn't get past it. Yep, I'm that shallow when it comes to tallow.

Weese, you seductress, you've got it right.

Walt, I'm with you on the cookies. Yes, on the stinky shash and let's not forget the scented candles.

2:26 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

Scentsitive post, Guy. ;-)

9:33 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

There you go making up words, Rich. I like it. I'll have a new one for you in a couple days. I laughed when it popped into my mind. It will be in the post on assets, when ever the hell I run it. You wouldn't believe what I go through when deciding what to post each morning.

9:55 PM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

I used to have this roommate. I wonder if he ever showered the entire time he rented his room. It was awful, just awful. It would have been worse if he had stunk and then put on Old Spice.

12:43 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Mo3, we've all run into that. When you think of it, it's odd how many smells can be emitted by humans.

5:29 AM  

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