What's in a Name?

Back when I was in second grade a racist joke went around about how the Chinese name their babies. It was said that the father threw a bunch of silverware on the ground and what ever sound it made when it hit the floor became the name of the new child. It was a curious idea to my second grade mind. It wasn’t funny, just odd. I knew it wasn’t true, but it lead me to think about the names we choose for things.

For the longest time it seemed African American mothers were naming their babies names that ended in the letter A. They appeared to be African names and rather common names that were elongated past the point of originality with an “A” thrown on the end to make it special. I’m not talking about Sara, Rhonda or Sheila here. I’m talking Sheffandala, Zhavanda, Semolena and so on. It’s all good.

My issue is with white people and the names they are choosing for their young. What the F… are they doing, thumbing through the phone book in the hospital after the kid is born? They are naming their kids with the last names of other people. I recently heard a child listing the “FIRST” names of kids in her class. There was McKenzie, Connor, Parker, Franklin, Harper, Cooper, Bailey and a few others.

It gets really screwy when the kid has a last name for a first name and a traditional first name as a last name. Did the kid write last name first?

Just when white women finally got over naming their kids after icons of the American West; Cody, Dakota, Austin, Huston, Chyanne, Shasta,Remmington (Some of those are last names as well)…they start up with this last name crap. And please don’t ever go back to names like Girtrude, and Grazelda like they did in the 20s. Nouns aren’t cool either, so don’t go back to the 70s with all those names like Rain, Cedar and River. It’s a baby, damn it! Not a damp hunk of cellulous.

Knock it off white people!