What Really Counts in Politics

Pollsters can do and say what they wish. They can try to predict who will win and who will lose elections with scientific methods that boast their stats are plus or minus 3 percentage points of total accuracy. They try to screen certain demographics, and base it all as scientific evidence. What science are they using; Mathematical or Political science? Candidates pay a lot for poll results. They think they can tailor their campaigns to adjust their numbers come Election Day.

OK politicians, I’m about to save you a lot of polling money on your next election. When you want to know who will win the election get a good photo of the candidate you are running against, and hold it up next to your face in the mirror. Who is better looking? That’s who wins.

Only a few of your supporters care about your issues, they only care about who looks better. OK, take Kevin Manix against Ron Saxton. Manix looks like a dweeb, like Regis Philbin. Face Saxton against Kulongowski, and Saxtons beady eyes and the fact he doesn’t open his crooked mouth makes him look like a bully, so I predict Ted, the better looking well dressed little man will win.

You don’t believe me? Let’s look at some recent history: Kennedy vs. Goldwater; Gerald Ford vs. Jimmy Carter; Bush vs. Kerry. By all rights Gore won against Bush. Yes, I’m aware that Nixon doesn’t follow the mold, but maybe if McGovern had more hair, who knows?

OK what about Clinton vs. Bush senior? Both are relatively good looking men, so what was the deciding factor there? Barbara Bush looked like George Washington with boobs. Hillary’s better looks pushed Bill Clinton over the top.

Yes, my friends; as sad as it may be, it’s all about good looks. We are that shallow.