Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Looking For Loopholes


Religious people in the United States of America keep insisting that our country is a Christian nation built on Christian doctrine and fundamentals. This is why they justify having Christmas as a National Holiday. So, let’s go down the list and see how well we are doing adhering to the Judeo-Christian rules.

The Ten Commandments:

I. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. I wonder why it is that people seem to worship actors, politicians, musicians and outspoken preachers. I see more news time spent dedicated to Brittany, Oprah, Hillary, Obama and McCain . The only piece I see on God in the media is “This Week In God” on the Daily Show.

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. So how does our Government explain all the images of dead presidents on our money, and what about Mt. Rushmore? The only graven images we are not allowed to see are the flag draped coffin returning to the USA.

III. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. Why is the word God on our money? Why are the words, “So help me God” used in every government and court room swearing in event?

IV. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Would that be Friday, Saturday or Sunday or is that a prophetic omen that we should buy early Ozzie Osborn records and dedicate one day of the week to listening to Iron Man?

V. Honor thy father and thy mother. In this case I think of the framers of the Constitution and their spouses as our fathers and mothers. It also seems that we have dishonored them by allowing the current President to dismantle much ot their fine work.

VI. Thou shalt not kill. Damn, that’s something our government does so well, be it in killing people in unjustified wars and conflicts or the death penalty in Texas and Florida.

VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Well at least most of the adulterers have dropped out of the race for the White House. But they still find a safe haven in other branches of government and in their ministries.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal. We have spies and the CIA and we utilize slave labor in foreign countries and we steal oil and energy and let’s not forget the taxes we pay.

IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Hey pal, that’s called intelligence, though no WMDs were ever found.

X. Thou shalt not covet. Damn, this means we would have to stop having wars for oil and stop importing all that crap from China. We would also have to stop accepting foreign loans to keep our economy propped up. Oh yes, let’s not forget the rape and plunder of our natural resources.

So the next time you hear that our country is going to Hell, you can finally agree without reservation.

13 Comments:

Blogger Uncle Walt said...

Is this the one I inspired? Guess that means I'm a-muse-ing.

A couple things:

1 - Why are the words, “So help me God” used in every government and court room swearing in event?

I believe they stopped using this a while ago. They also no longer require you to place your hand on the Bible. At least, I haven't been in a court that uses them.

Though I can't remember ... does Congress still open each session with a prayer?

2 - Thou shalt not kill.

Actually, that's a mistranslation. The correct translation is "Thou shalt not murder". The Bible and Torah allow killing in some circumstances, such as self-defense. So, while all murders are killing, not all killing is murder.

3 - You forgot there are a few different versions of the 10 Commandments, and to ask which we're supposed to use.

7:06 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

I forgot the pledge of allegiance, "One Nation under God."

So when Hitler killed millions of innocent people it was murder, but when the Bush war machine kills a couple hundred thousand of innocent civilians in Iraq it's not?

As for the different versions, who has authority to make revisions? I know CCFOG is working on their own version.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Uncle Walt said...

I didn't say a thing about Bush, Iraq, or war. Though the Bible does give plenty of examples of God telling the Israelites to go to war. So I guess if God tells a country to go to war, it's okay.

As to who has authority to make revisions, it depends on your religion. I always wondered why the Protestant religions always accept the Catholic-approved Bible without their own independent investigations of the claims of other "books". I mean, if they don't think Catholicism is right, shouldn't they investigate what it rejected on their own?

8:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Received via E-Mail, I will share this:
Three things to Ponder:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the State of Washington, and even track her calves to their stalls. Yet they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. May be we should give each of them a cow!

Patience, I am getting to the Ten Commandments.

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal, "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.... It creates a hostile work environment.

One good thing out of all these words that were said, the Ten Commandments has never been forgotten. Though each individual has different religious beliefs, government and understanding of words, the Ten Commendment hold all truth in what is written!

9:48 AM  
Blogger Hahn at Home said...

HOLY MOTHER THERESA, JESUS CHRIST...this is TRULY inspired. AMEN and freakin' HALLELUJAH brother.

Oh, kids - last day to nominate me over at www.thelesbianlifestyle.com for Lesbian Blogger of the Year - Last pimp call until voting starts, promise.

9:39 PM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

Truly a top-rate entry, Guy. It always stymies me as to how these "Christian Nation" folks continually overlook that most of the signers were Deists. The writings of Jefferson alone against the dangers of bringing religion into government ought to be enough to shut them up, but, of course, they read Swaggart, not Jefferson.

10:50 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Anon, pretty good. A note on the illegals, the government does not want to rid the nation of illegals simply because farmers are into politics big time, drive through any rural area and notice the billboards plastered in every field. There will be a revolution in this country if mothers have to pay $4 for an apple and if Corporations like Kraft have to pay $30 for a flat of strawberries.

Lori, I'd offer to allow you to repost on your blog, if it were up and running. I keep getting a 404 error. How are you going to get the blog of the year if your blog isn't there?

Mo3, that's how I feel. Enough with the Lord already. If it makes someone feel good, good for them, however being an Atheist it's pretty annoying. If someone finds inspiration in some writings, fine, but don't be pushing boogymen and super heroes on me.

5:17 AM  
Blogger Hahn at Home said...

Guy - Let me know if you are using this link: http://hahnathome.wordpress.com/

I'm getting a lot of my regulars over there, so I didn't know anyone was having a problem.

The dang webhost says it should be fully ported by the weekend. But, we'll see. Thanks for the nomination. I bet you're pretty cute too!

6:11 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

OK Lori, I had to switch your address in bloglines. I've got you back again. Thanks.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WoW! Looks like there are more issues other than the Ten commandments.
Atheistism... Lesbianism....

My Words of Wisdom. "You are what you make yourself to be."

" What's in your heart represents who you are as your own person."

" True colors will always come shining through."

It all comes down to what you believe is right, and too act upon what you believe is right.

I was brought up in a church (Evanglistic)environment as a little girl. I learned and memorized verses.
When I grew up I had a family of my own, and chose to bring them up in a different religious environment (Seventh-day Adventist)because of a better children's program.
Sadly to find out, I was disowned by others in my old church.
As my children became teenagers they asked if they had to go to church anymore. I told them I would not force church or religion on them, for that could cause hatred and defiance.
Someone told me one day that both of my girls would get pregnant when they were teenagers. How could that person have said that? With a good firm foundation and being able to communicate with my kids I assured that person, that would not happen.
Success has been achieved! A grandmother twice now, they both waited until they were in their twenties. Each of my children with good moral values and good communication skills, and they too are passing their skills onto their children.
They were taught well, so I do know true colors will always come shining through....just with the Right kind of Recipe.

10:02 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Anon, there are even more isms going on here. I welcome all isms to read and comment.

When it all comes down to it, we pretty much suck at the ten commandment. The only thing we all need to do is respect everyone and be nice. That covers them all. Unfortunately, our government doesn't get that right either.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perfectly Stated!
The government itself has many "isms," and I challenge others to write them down.

7:09 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Thanks, Anon.

9:54 PM  

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