Monday, April 28, 2008


Being there were some people who were upset over a photo I used in a recent post here I wanted to address what the taboos of writing are today. Reverence may always in play for a great many modern events, such as Morrow Building, all events of 911, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Dresden, Masada, Columbine, the two space shuttles and many more. Other things that may not be messed with are the Kennedys except for Ted (it's always open season on Ted) and JFK womanizing. We can’t mess with Martin Luther King, the Dali lama or Islam or any race or nationality, except maybe the Irish.

It’s a bad idea to joke about most diseases or anything that would involve treatment centers. It used to be OK to riff on fire fighters but they are all heroes now instead of the hapless townies who liked to drink and play cards when I was growing up. I think they now have Federally protected status. For Christ sake don’t ever joke about people who Home School.

It's not cool to joke about an older man who has sex with a teen, but it is OK if the older person is a woman and is a hot teacher and the teen is one of her male students. The DA will call it a crime worthy of the death penalty, while most guys are thinking how lucky that kid was and had it been them they would have kept their mouth shut and enjoyed the ride.

Using the formula, Tragedy + Time = Comedy, it is now OK to mess with the Inquisition, Henry the VIII, the entire Roman Empire, Attila the Hun and the Lincoln assignation. You can play with all the wars up to and including the invasion of Granada, but after that you are treading on thin ice. You can joke about the McCarthy era black lists. You can joke about Herbert Hoover.

You can joke about the Bush administration unless you are at a Republican rally. You can joke about the confederate flag only if you are North of the Mason Dixon line. You can joke about Californians trying to Californicate Astoria unless you are in an art gallery, at the Community Store, at an anti-LNG rally, or at a CCFOG meeting.

Have I missed anything?


Blogger Beth said...

Well done. I think you've got it covered but you'll never know for sure until the "next time."
Canada/igloos/Mounties is still up for grabs. I can take it.

6:50 AM  
Blogger Hahn at Home said...

Don't say anything about trans people or AIDS and gay men either...

6:54 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

Don't call quadriplegics "turnips".

But PLEASE, I beg of you...make fun of Southern Baptists.

7:25 AM  
Blogger weese said...

But wait...isn't there a clause where we can make fun of our own?
So I need to go dig up some good middle aged short italian lesbian jokes.

10:31 AM  
Blogger Chantel said...

Midgets are off limits too. I was going to twitter something about that this weekend and stopped myself because I didn't want to offend anyone. My boyfriend gave me an hour lecture about censoring myself as a writer. I didn't know which I felt worse for, censoring myself or the midget joke or allowing my dumb boyfriend to be right.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well......what is LGN?
and what is CCFOG?
I only ask because of my somewhat sheltered midwest, close to east coast, kinda boring life, has left me slowly going through high school again, and i'm just getting over dealing with pimples(again!)So in the daily life of just trying to live, i miss some things, and purposly pass others up.
personally, I feel your blog is yours.
nuff said

11:09 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Beth, how about Hocky, Export A's and back bacon?

Lori, not even Cujo?

Sid, that didn't stop you and that clown in a wheel chair at TLF's birthday party. I remember you want to set him on fire...

Weese, I ain't going there.

Chantel, That means you say what you want about your boy friend. OK and midget gynecologists, but that's where we have to draw th line...

Loopy, LNG is Liquified Natural Gas. They want to put some terminals on the Columbia River. CCFOG is a local group that is trying to recall any elected official that favors LNG. It is made up of California transplants who want to populate Astoria with more art galleries in an attempt to sell more bad art. They seem to come up here with lots of money and few skills and fear earning livings in industries that are traditional industries here, so they oppose them. They reinvent themselves as artists and they start wearing funny hats and try to sell stuff that no one in their right mind would ever buy, let alone display. They end up trading amongst themselves, sort of like a mutual masturbation society. Get the picture?

12:26 PM  
Blogger Mike S said...

I notice once again us Indians are excluded from being in either catagory!! The rather vague reference to all races & nationalities just doesn't cut it!! WE DEMAND TO BE LISTED AS A SEPARATE ENTITY! If it's good enough for the Irish, it's good enough for us too!hehehehehe

Now I have to go insult every race, nationality, belief system, etc I've missed today as the day grows short and the damn French, Poles, and Greeks tied me up too long with their whining!

12:29 PM  
Blogger Uncle Walt said...

Frack 'em all.

The only thing "off limits" (IMO) is actually making a threat.

You got some topics you're afraid to post because they're "off limits"? Give 'em to me.

As my granpa used to say ... as he was smoking a cigar, drinking booze, and "talking smack" about whatever group upset him ... "I can't offend you. Only YOU can decide to BE offended."

Which is funny, considering he was being offended by whatever group. LOL!

12:29 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

We love Mike! Say, Mike, do you have a Down East Accent?

Walt, I fear no topic and I make it a point to write and post what ever I think. I don't mind being corrected, and I will show remorse when I mis-speak, but I won't revise after the fact. I'm not the type to deny something I've said. I don't delete articles I've written to cover my ass when and if I do change my mind. I take my lumps if there are lumps to be had and I'll move ahead. I invite offended readers to air their thought of opposition and move on as I do.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

I remember the days before the PC movement. People had thicker skins. My dad is 100% Italian. And boy, does he ever look it. When he was in the Navy, he remembers being hurt by being called "The skinny Guinea with the meatball eyes." But he didn't say anything, he didn't whine, he didn't sue. He went on and lived his life.

That being said, my very Irish husband still has to endure lots of Irish "humor" such as, "What's an Irish 7-course meal? A potato and a six-pack!" We are very obviously Irish/Scottish, as you know. But you know what? With our good friends, we don't care. Because I can do my Linda Richman Coffee Talk impression with my Jewish friend, I can call my Hispanic friend "Esse," and so forth.

As far as the picture? it makes me sad to see it, it reminds me of that day, but I don't have a problem with you using it.

And if you don't think I take crap for home schooling--ha! Did you see that South Park?

1:31 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

I'm offended, you spelled Dalai Lama incorrectly. I don't think he was named after a surrealist painter.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Frank said...

Write away (right away?) I've yet to be truly offended by anything you've written (else I wouldn't be here). I've been disturbed occasionally, amused frequently, intrigued regularly, annoyed a few times, and saddened at least once or perhaps twice. The beauty of blogs is that anything that's really offensive (to anyone) can simply be avoided (by anyone). But any response other than avoidance (from outright outrage to continued lurking) is still interaction, is at least a tacit expression of willingness to (continue to) participate in the exploration of ideas.

7:22 PM  
Blogger Mike S said...

Only got one when it suits my purposes, same with southern, midwest, Texas, hispanic, Irish, etc. Worked inna lotta places over the years & picked up a few. Hain't no good pokin' fun at someone if'n ya cain't do it in their own accent!!

9:25 PM  
Blogger Bpaul said...

great post

brain's a bit quiet this time of night/morning or I'd try to contribute further

3:52 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Mo3, I knew you could handle it if I threw that in there.

Rich, the Dalai Lama is fair game, what I meant to write was "Dali's lama". Y'all don't want to fuck with his favorite pet, "Cupcake."

Frank, thank you for the compliment. How long have you been visiting?

Mike, I absorb accents quickly. I can talk to the customs agent when crossing into Canada and I take on a Canadian accent.

Bpaul, I don't expect you to be at full steam until school is over for you.

5:35 AM  
Blogger Bpaul said...

Duly noted, sir.

5:38 AM  
Blogger Denise said...

you forgot hippies.

3:14 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

Ah, Dali's Llama, gotcha!

8:28 PM  

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