Not the Social Type
I guess I’m not so good about staying in touch with people, especially family. It’s not that anyone brought this to my attention, it was just a passing thought.
I always promise my mother that I will call her in a couple of weeks every time I speak with her on the phone and before I know it four months has passed. I speak with my sister maybe twice a year and she is the one that usually calls. My brother lives about 500 feet from me and I only see him once a month.
I have several nephews and nieces and the only one I hear from is Robb, who replies to this blog every now and then. Robb got married last summer and he gave the net address where I could view the photos. I didn’t recognize anyone. I barely recognized Robb. There was one niece and three other nephews there. They all look so old now. I remember them the way they were in 1980 or there about.
I got an email from another nephew recently which I nearly deleted before opening because I didn’t recognize the name. It’s a good thing I didn’t delete it because it was a photo of his and his wife’s or girlfriends new baby which I was to print out and give to my computer-less brother.. See, I don’t even know if he is married. His baby is probably in school already…I am so out of touch.
I also have two nieces from my brother that is deceased. I think the last time I saw them was when one was ten and the other younger, probably seven. The younger one was out to visit my brother recently. I waited around all day, but I had an evening engagement to attend to, so I missed meeting her. She’s been back twice more and I have yet to meet her. Her sister invited us to her wedding a few years ago, and I didn’t go. It was right in the middle of some family health tragedy that went on for months at my place. I didn’t even send a gift, which I regret. Believe me I look for reasons to go to Canada, and I passed up a trip for the wedding.
I suck at being an uncle, and I guess it’s safe to say I don’t feel too bad about it either. I was never good at keeping in touch with my uncles and aunts and there is really no reason my nephews and nieces should keep in touch with me. I probably would have sucked at being a parent, but I did manage to avoid that. I guess I lack the sentimentality gene.
posted by The Guy Who Writes This at 4:00 AM
18 Comments:
Yup, your a loner. It has its pros and cons.
loopy
"It's not that I don't like people...it's just that I seem to feel better when they're not around."
Mickey Rourke
From the movie Bar Fly. Now there's a guy who could beat himself up...
Moose
I'm not sure if it is as much of a gene that is lacking as a larger than normal "don't bug me gene".
:)
loopers
I like the "don't bug me gene". I think I have it as well. I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. If it weren't for email, I'd never know what anyone is up to because I really hate talking on the phone. It drives my husband crazy that I don't keep in touch with people.
I suck at keeping in touch as well. Just ask my sister. She's usually the one who calls or emails me. Hell, I don't even talk to the wife or kid that much. I usually don't have that much to say. Some of it stems from having to spend so much time over communicating at work that I tend to withdraw when I come home. I've got cousins and aunts and uncles and even a few god children that I'm sure are living full happy lives and I'm sure they are delightful people. I just don't have that much to say to them, most times.
I haven't seen my brothers in over 10 years. Their kids are grown up as mine and I haven't seen them since they were little.
My friends became my family a long time ago with a very few exceptions.
In the late 70s and early 80s as an apprentice printer I worked with a fellow that put it all into perspective for me.
"Take a careful look at each and every relitive and ask yourself, "If you were not releted to them would you want to be their best friend?""
"Do you have any meaningful interests in common with them?"
"If you were standing in the grocery line next to one of them, would you want to befriend them?"
"Now be honest!!"
I am so grateful for this conversation.
So grateful that as of 1985 I resolved to never again spend five cents, or five minutes on reletives ever again, other than Mrs. Gearhead and the Sparkplugs of course!
What a weight off of ones shoulders when they truley stand on their own feet!
I'm totally in agreement with Hahn.
Build your own family, in your own world.
Life is so sweet when one dismisses needless drama and useless pointlessness.
A few verses from James Taylor's Hourglass album:
>>Enough To Be On Your Way<<
Ohhhhh, it's enough to be on your way
It's enough just to cover ground
It's enough to be moving on
Home, build it behind your eyes
Carry it in your heart
Safe among your own.
Damn! I love James Taylor!
i'm an only child of a woman who at one time had 16 brothers and sisters (down to 12 now). i have many cousins. and i don't like many of them.
they're all right as people, i guess, but i know for certain that if we weren't related i wouldn't know any of them because we have NOTHING in common. they are all very much alike (physically and otherwise) and then there's me. i often feel like an outsider when i visit with them, which kind of bugs me, but at the same time i'm not sure sut how much i care.
i am in montreal with a cousin who lives one subway stop away, and an uncle who lives in a neighbourhood nearby. to hear me tell it, you'd swear i was all alone. but really, i just don't know either of them very well, and i'm not much for socializin'. :)
Reading these comments, I realize maybe my "get out of my face" tendencies aren't so uncommon. I was looking at cute little outdoor goodies at Hobby Lobby the other day. Found a couple things I really loved, except that they said "Welcome" on them. Seriously, that's why I didn't get them. Because not everybody is welcome at my house!
Which makes me realize how much I suck at being a Christian.
Loopy many loners become cons.
Moose, my favorite comic was Groning's Omar and Akbar. They were at a New Years party with hundreds of people and one said to the other, "I'd be tempted to kill everyone here if I weren't such a people person."
Loopy, I have more of a I don't want to bother anyone gene or I have nothing to say gene.
Stephanie, so you're husband is chatty, eh?
Darev, I think that gene is kicking in for your sister as well lately.
Lori, I've seen your My Face page and you have quite the collection.
Gearhead, I am fortunate you've let me in the gate.
Dalia, isn't it interesting that those that are related have so little in common?
Donna, welcome to the dark side. It seems that people stopped tolerating one another when the architecture of homes changes to exclude front porches. Just a thought.
Guy-
My husband talks to everyone and makes friends everywhere we go. And he finds commonalities with all of them. It amazes me. I never knew how many former New Yorkers there were in California, but I think Jeff has met them all. Anyway.
You and I are kindred spirits on this one. Close ties just aren't something I need, I guess. If it wasn't for Dear Hubby prodding me around birthday times, no one would ever hear from me, I don't think. I have one brother I've had no contact with for 16 years -- his choice, but I don't think about him much anymore. Family/friend dynamics are weird things, aren't they?
Oh, and I love the house I pass by on my many walks with my grandboys. On the fence is a huge "Beware of Dog!" sign as well as "No Trespassing!" and up near the door is one of those cutesy little signs that says "Everyone Welcome!" Now, go figure!
Stephanie, I'll have a post soon on talkative men. Stand by.
Kris, I think that like likes like and that most of the people that come here to read this stuff every day do so because many of us share the same attitudes on stuff. And the other thing is funny, "Welcome all ye that can get by the dog.
Don't worry you were not that bad of uncle. As a kid, I enjoyed your fish tanks, your dog, the Subaru brat, and with you loaning my mother videotapes I got introduced to Monty Python. The only time I did not like you is when you would beat me to Mom's for lunch.
Besides, I am getting more more antisocial too.
Robb
Lunch, too funny, Robb. I forgot all about that. That potato salad from the Waldwick Deli was the best.
Holy crap. Okay, first let me apologize for my delayed response. I usually catch up on your blog every few nights. I'm a total lurker... been reading your blog forever. I'm the Ohio person you probably see in your stats.
So I am the girlfriend of the nephew. The baby news came from my email address, as we only had my computer in the hospital. And no, we are not married.
We are lame at keeping in touch, but when it happens it's always so nice. So it's a TOTAL understatement to say that I'm SHOCKED to be mentioned in your post. I love it! Although I'd much rather be reading about sick days...because I clearly don't like wedding dresses.
Danielle, Nice to meet you. I wonder how many more family lurkers will come out of the wood work over this post. Too funny. Nice to know you are out there. By the way, Sick Days are always the first Monday of the month. Good on you for not liking wedding dresses.
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