Thursday, July 02, 2009

Women and Chocolate

I know there is a strange bond or relationship between women and chocolate. It isn’t just a menstrual connection either though a cycle can intensify the desire.

I was visiting with the Blue Mamba the other day and she was “Masticating” a piece of this chocolate pie. The pie was a quadruple chocolate threat. It had a chocolate crust, chocolate goo with dark chocolate goo on top of that with chunks of chocolate scattered about liberally. After its consumption Blue Mamba resembled a cat that had just self medicated itself with catnip. She was docile and smiled contently and looked for a place to nap.

I’m in touch with my feminine side, but damn that was way too much chocolate. Men neither desire nor can they physically handle chocolate to that degree without their testosterone tanking out for a few days following an eating event such as that.

One cool thing about chocolate and living with a woman is that I have learned to always have chocolate hidden, so when a mood turns sour, out come the chocolate and peace is immediately restored.

For Amy:


Blogger a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

you sir? are a gentleman and a scholar.

5:32 AM  
Anonymous Auntie said...

You sat and watch B.M. masticate her food? Man, how does she rate. Normally at the first site of someone begining to chew, I thought you ran the other way screaming.

5:36 AM  
Blogger weese said...


5:52 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

My strategy as well. When things go sour I'll fling a hershey bar or a box of raisinets or some miniature dove bars into the room and scuttle off to hide for half an hour or so. With two women in my house it has saved my bacon numerous times.

6:42 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Irish, thank you. That's the nicest thing I've been called all week, as opposed to Auntie who has called me a bitch and a bastard in the last two days.

Auntie, actually she hid it well with her hand over her mouth in respect. I just had to use the word "Masticate" because Blue Mamba likes that word.

Weese, I know how to treat a lady.

Darev, right said, brother.

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Going to Deals Only for some dark chocolate truffles. I'm in need of some sort of mojo since the wife hit the big five 0.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Tango said...

I feel the same about steak and Eel. Not so crazy about chocolate or any other sweets.

For me it's steak, a straight shot of Grey Goose and the sound of a Jake-Break. (Guy...I already know that I march to a different drummer.)

9:30 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Anon, are you nuts? She is probably pre-menopausal and you are going to get her chocolate from Deals Only? That chocolate was rejected from China because they used too much radiator fluid in the mix when making it. Really, go down to Columbia Chocolates and do it right. Giving bad chocolate to a woman in crisis is like thinking it's a good idea to put a ventilation hole in a wasp nest to cool them off on a hot day.

Tango, yes I knew that, but now I'm starting to find you really interesting. I could say that you're a real card, in fact you are the whole deck and you need to be dealt with ; )

10:27 AM  
Blogger Tango said...

I am too glad that I swallowed before reading.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'd be right about the pre thing and nothing against CC but DO has some pretty gourmet offerings chocolate wise. Dove, Lindor truffles ect.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Uncle Walt said...

Men neither desire nor can they physically handle chocolate to that degree without their testosterone tanking out for a few days following an eating event such as that.

Disagree! When Denny's was here, if I was suffering a bad week, I'd go their for "death by chocolate".

Triple layer chocolate cake, chocolate pudding between layers, chocolate icing ... covered with chocolate syrup. And one of those itsy-bitsy scoops of vanilla on the side - also covered in chocolate syrup.

Improved my outlook on life quite considerably ... until I came crashing down from the sugar high. LOL

Now I settle for Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, instead.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Is it disturbing that this post turned me on? What could have put it over the top would have been a picture of a super chocolate layer cake. *happy sigh*

3:34 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Heeeeee.........mine allll mineeeeee...... ::giggle:: I'll try to be polite and use a fork, but I can't make any promises.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Guy said...

Tango, hot chocolate?

Anon, OK, good luck with that.

Walt, I think you may be in touch with your feminine side. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Amy, I live to turn on the readers, so I added a little something just for you at the bottom of the article.
Kissies to you.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Guy said...

Auntie, don't you dare link that site you know of. I mean it!

3:59 PM  
Blogger Tango said...

Nope....not really. I can't stand the skin that forms on top when it cools down a bit. Totally grosses me out.

4:24 PM  
Anonymous Ginger said...

In our house, it's the hubby who LOVES chocolate...and not that pansy milk chocolate...the dark stuff. Living w/ three females, he suffers...i'm sure you all the point that he hides it. I go to his tool chest...although I am not supposed to use his tools and he can tell if I've been into them...I find all kinds of num nums there...mostly chocolate and sometimes a bag of marshmallows! It could be could be a bottle of don julio or crown royal. I'm not complaining :)

5:50 PM  
Blogger g said...

i am an admitted chocoholic. i love blue mamba. she represents me.

8:01 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Tango, just dunk some meat in it.

Ginger, funny you mentioned that because I'm starting to get into having drinks again. Not often and only one when I do, but I think I'd like to hide a bottle in my shop.

The Blue Mamba I'm talking about only represents her self. Is there another Blue Mamba in Astoria? Cool maybe we can have a battle of the Blue Mambas and the winner keeps the name and gets a pair of stylish shoes as a prize.

9:53 PM  
Anonymous auntie said...

You mean that certain link about chocolate cake? Hmmmmmm, link coming soon.....

5:56 AM  
Blogger Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Love the comments...give me cheesecake (plain old kind, not chocolate) and a chocolate cake (my favorite "dessert drink") and I'd be happy.

(Ps: and Tango is a full deck, isn't she)

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've gotten desperate enough to pull the baking chocolate out and suck on a face puckering chunk of that.

But if you want to be my friend for life, dark chocolate covered almonds. My husband knows if he tries to snag a chocolate almond he's likely to lose a finger.


4:54 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

Growing up in the country without a store near by when I got desperate for chocolate I would mix, cocoa, sugar, peanutbutter, cream and anything else I could find to satisfy that craving.

3:31 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Auntie, back off.

Teri, I'll need to post about cheese cake some day.

Critter, I can see that in you. When you want chocolate, you want it now.

Paula, now that's hard core.

5:15 AM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

Damn you, Guy! I am trying to lose, or at least stabilize my post-40 bloat and you have to mention what amounts to heroin to me. The only thing you could have done worse was to write about ice cream. That's crack.

12:26 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Ice cream? Hmmmmm...

6:23 AM  

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