Monday, January 18, 2010

A Chorus Line

Everyone has a talent, or maybe even two things they are more than proficient in. This was the case with a kid I went to elementary school with. His name was Doug. He wasn’t a good looking child. He was pudgy and not particularly coordinated. He always had a buzz cut and his clothing always fit too tightly. He probably could have made a good bully, but he’d never be able to catch anyone on foot.

Doug did have a talent; he was a belcher. Doug’s talent went far beyond the pedestrian burp after taking a sip of soda, he could recite the alphabet. He could sustain a belch through all 26 letters and sometimes have enough left over to start counting.

Impossible? Not at all. He once gave a”workshop” (for lack of a better term) on how to do this burping technique. It involves attempting to breathe in but not letting the air into your lungs. It’s like reverse burping. You take air directly into your esophagus. There it can be stored for a while and unleashed like a lion’s roar when needed.

Doug had several disciples. During recess they would all gather by the big tree at the school yard playground and practice their craft. From a distance they sounded like a swamp full of bull frogs, but up close you could hear them discuss technique as though it were part of the Pavarotti Masters Program.

Occasionally I will burp a very cathartic belch. I know this is so different that the image you all have of me, but sometimes I do. It is then when I think of Doug and his bullfrog chorus standing by the tree going at it for 45 minutes every day.

There will be more on Doug’s other talent tomorrow.


Blogger Donna said...

Why is it I'm thinking Doug's other talent also involved gas?
There's nothing wrong with a cathartic burp, especially if you're alone at the time.

4:05 AM  
Blogger Tango said... how many letters can you belch through. I know you have tried. :)

7:03 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

You ought to her my wife after she drinks and entire Dr Pepper. It will set off car alarms several blocks away. Cathartic, hell. It sounds like one of those weird eldritch noises that H.P. Lovecraft used to talk about.

veri word: glycl- a molecular component used in lotions and face creams.

7:24 AM  
Blogger Auntie said...

wish your super power was SPELLING the word CHORUS

9:05 AM  
Blogger Auntie said...

Yay, you fixed it.

9:32 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Donna, because you know how boys are at that age.

Tango, I think I was able to get up to Q.

Darev, you need to record that and put it on your blog.

Auntie, just for you.

5:23 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

Dude, you trying to get me killed?

6:50 AM  

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