Remembering Some Friends
Somehow I still get surprised when I hear that someone has taken their own life. I’ve known several people who have done so. Each of them were gentle, kind people, yet each was in so much physical or emotional pain that they decided they couldn’t carry on. Having never been at my personal physical or emotional limit, I simply can not relate to just what it must take to inflict that sort of finality upon oneself.
We who are left behind are often angry about this sort of ritual. We also feel guilty that we didn’t see this decision approaching. In retrospect the signs were there. They always are, and we either just don’t see them, or couldn’t imagine our suspicions to ever be true.
As good acts and deeds touch people in unimaginable ways, the misunderstood acts of taking ones own life touches people in unimaginable ways as well. Each instance I know of, either the person did what they could to minimize the aftermath, or at least wrote a note of a pending apology.
So to my friends who are no longer here, Mary, John, Jeff, Nathan and Barbara, I’m thinking of you. I still don’t understand, but I do accept your decision unconditionally.
posted by The Guy Who Writes This at 5:23 AM
5 Comments:
I just didn't see the signs with a friend, always up, but with problems. I do wish I had made a point to visit more. It crosses my mind could I have stopped it?
Hello;
It's a sad deal. Sad to think about people hurting. I like the loving attitude you describes in the article guy and accepting his loved ones choice unconditionally.
I have heard it said "it's a good thing I did'nt go through with suicide. I would have killed a complete stranger"
That statement rings true for me. In my path in this life, I continue to learn so much about myself. Often times in this society, I think our image of ourselves, our place in the world is innacurate. "It is difficult to see the masterpiece of the painting when you are in it" Sometimes a friend can reflect back the magnificents, the truth that we cannot see in ourselves.
Anonymous, I don't think you could have done anything else. You were a good friend and it shows through in what you wrote.
I can only hope that I can make a difference to someone else. Something to aspire to. Worthwhile for me to think about how I could help someone who is hurting. I'll keep working at it.
You know, my father committed suicide. I don't think I could have done anything to change that. I believe how ever that some how, some way these events serve a purpose. Like for example thinking about the oppertunities to give hope to the hopeless, love the loveless etc. as I am doing now.
I am still open to whatever becomes of it, the fallout of his choice. I like the idea of lovingly respecting his pain and his death.
I know for sure that my dad gave up and missed some really cool shit. Like my daughter being born and growing up.
And who know's, he may have had the oppertunity to jam with Les paul, or read this cool blog but he quit before any of that, his life could happen.
Tired, I rambling on now. Off to bed, thanks again guy.
It's a delicate subject, and your comments and emails were heartfelt. I think of you all and can only come up with the lame ass statment, "I'm sorry for our loses."
I think no matter life ends, whenever there is still potential (or perceived potential), it's a huge blow.
My great-grandfather killed himself. I was three, and despite my young age, I remembered him vividly. My mother said he doted on me immensely. I remember when he died, and the funeral. I didn't understand then, but I do now. And I wonder what it must have done to my great-grandmother, who lived a long time after. His reason for suicide was a terminal, painful cancer. But as far as I know, he told no one, and it came as a surprise.
I respect his choice, even though I never got to know him.
Excellent post, Guy.
Thanks Lach.
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