Sunday, October 15, 2006

Contrition II

I had it pointed out to me that I misspelled border in my Contrition article last Sunday. I spelled it ”Boarder” and I was indeed talking about a boundary rather than a lodger. See folks, I’m falling apart. I also misspelled continent in a reply, spelling it cointenent. That was picked up by my elderly Canadian friend, who takes great pride in finding fault with your humble narrator. Everyone needs a hobby…

Speaking of contrition, I did my speeding ticket diversion on the Internet this week. It is pretty funny and lame. Each exercise came with multiple choice questions and some essay questions, which are obviously not taken into consideration as to if you pass of fail the diversion program.

I consider myself to be honest and open, to a point. I am also intolerant of certain forms of bull shit. So when essay questions were required for statements like “What will you do to prevent yourself from making the same traffic mistakes?” My answers went along the lines of, “I will use my cruse control and avoid speed trap towns like North Plains whose budget is a pot of filthy lucre gained from those who pass through on a state highway.” Or “I was just going with the flow of traffic and they picked me out of thirty other cars in the pack, bastards…rat bastards…all of them!”

The biggest pain of the internet diversion course was that each chapter had a minimum and a maximum of time allotted. If I finished a ten minute minimum chapter in one minute it wouldn’t let me proceed until the ten minutes had gone by, so I got a few blog articles written while waiting down the clock.

So how is that for contrition? I feel better now. Do you?


Anonymous Moosehead said...

Hummph...Snort...Hummph,huumph...Snort... Snort...As far as the limits of communication go this could be construed as my reaction to the "elderly" wisecrack but is in effect the sounds of my practicing moose calls for next year's hunting season. Now as far as taking pride in my correcting your grammar, in my defence, I limit myself to pointing out only the funny ones amongst the numerous in deference to your me..I...oh...pee...ya! To tell you the truth, I hope that spell check is abolished once and for all in the interests of my newly discovered hobbee.

Last week, I was also pulled over by our national trashsure, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. He was not mounted nor in the mood for a musical ride as he spotted me not wearing a seat belt(which I seem to find impossible to get in the habit of doing). I saw him make the u-turn and turn on his lights as I made a right hand turn on the next street which gave me ample time to buckle up out of sight. Being the public risk that I was - possibly flying through the windshield and striking a pedestrian- did indeed merit a chase and correction in the form of a $168.00 fine. But I got off as a lesson learned long ago in cases where one is accused of adultery or not wearing a seatbelt...Deny,Deny,Deny...He had no choice but to give me the benefit of the doubt. It did leave me wondering however why one feels so nervous when being pulled you are caught for all the misdeeds that you are guilty of perpetrating.(I'm a perp...I'm a perp!) It's probably a result of the trauma of being pulled over in Kingman Ariz way back in the seventies. Now there's a story of Cool Hand Luke proportions complete with the shotgun, cowboy hat and the mirrored glasses... Come to think of it, I'll take our boys in scarlet...for the most part, they are the only ones armed with handguns and there is really not much risk here of being shot as you reach into the glove compartment for your vehicle registration...why do they call it a glove compartment anyway??...maybe that's just up here??...probably called a magnum compartment down your way.

1:37 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Mon ami, the reply above shows it is evident you need your own blog.

Elderly? Well you are 4 years my senior.

Good thing the mountie didn't have his drug dog with him.

2:09 PM  
Anonymous portosan said...

Toooo funny!

Yup, I keep my hands in plain site, have my stinking license & registration ready and I try to pull over in as safe a place as possible for the officer. Ok, I am a suck ass but I have not been shot yet.

I was pulled over last week for 60 in a 50, or was it 70 in a 50? He quoted me a $200 ticket and for some reason I will never understand he let me go with a verbal warning. Damn it IS
Stepford Oregon out here. Freeky.

10:08 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

15 mph over the limit usually gets a ticket. A local cop should cut you some slack. I do remember when Curt was the mayor in CB, he was walking home from work at 2:30 am, and a cop stopped him and called for a backup. He looked dangerous.

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Moosehead said...

Drug dog? He was with me! Sorry to hijack your blog Guy...had a bad case of verbal diarhea yesterday...and the day before...and the day before that.

9:14 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

I didn't accuse you of hyjacking the blog, my friend, I'm trying to encourage you to start your own blog. I'd love to read the adventures of Bullwinkle...I mean Moosehead. Your writing entertains the hell out of me.

Hey, I'm going away to teach a class soon, you could write for me while I'm out of town.

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe a "boarder" can also mean a skateboarder. True?

3:31 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

True, and I wouldn't want to cross one of those either.

3:33 PM  

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