Sunday, January 28, 2007

Auto Identity

Today is the final post from the Readers Revenge assignment week. I will resume posting the things I wish to remove from mind. I may do another Readers Revenge in the future. Maybe this summer. I already have a photo for it.

Anyway, in conclusion, this was requested by an anonymous person named who just got a new car.

Why is it women name their cars? Men refer to their vehicles as the car, the truck, the rig or the piece of shit, but women have to give their cars a name.

Thinking back I have never named a car, though in 1973 a girlfriend did name my off the show room floor, 1972 Grand Torino Sport. It was powder blue with a white vinyl roof and a white interior. She named it the Marshmallow. What emasculation! And I was only 17!

I also purchased a green ¾ ton pick-up truck from a woman a few years back. As I was getting in to drive it away she said, “His name is Kermit.” "God Damn you!" I thought, she just ruined it for me. I since sold it and I still see this truck around town. Every time I do I call it Kermit in my head. Damn her!

Since then I found that my wife’s family always named the family car “Bessie Lu.” She named her present car Wilber…don’t ask. The person who suggested this topic has a new car that she has named, and every time I see her I ask about it, but I change the name slightly each time. I’m having fun, but she is not amused.

I can tie this in with other theories I have about women. My theory is that women live longer than men because they are more aware of their mortality. They are more aware of their mortality because they bleed every month. Seeing ones own blood is a constant reminder of mortality. Men only see their blood when they do something stupid, and the stupidity takes center stage more than their mortality, and if they cut themselves shaving they will whine like puppies. When you are more aware of your mortallity you take better care of things, including your self.

Women are for the most part, nurturers. Adding a name adds to possessions makes the possessions part of the family, and something that needs to be cared for. Women’s autos last longer then autos owned by men. My wife’s car was purchased new in 1998. It is still as good as new. During that same period I have had five different vehicles.

I now need to add this to the list of things men don’t do and do not do they like it when someone does it for/to them. So remember most men don’t like yogurt, cottage cheese, dancing, white wine spritzers, shopping for shoes, asking directions, being kept from the TV remote, babies, Oprah, The View, Dr Phil, being verbose and naming their vehicles.

Got it, ladies? Unless you are trying to get a rise out of us and are willing to pay the price, knock it off and don’t name our cars and trucks. We know that we don’t want that sort of long term relationship with what we drive. Just like how you aren’t supposed to name a cow that you are going to eat, we don’t want to name our vehicles. We don’t want to live with the attachment and regret that will eventually come. If we start naming our vehicles we will have to start naming our screw drivers and hammers as well. Please, don’t make us go there.


Blogger Jeff said...

That reminds me of when I was a freshman in high school. I started the school year living with a family in Cave Junction on their farm. I'll never forget the first night at dinner. One of their young sons asked who they were eating that night. They always named their cows and I believe that was the first time that I realized that when eating meat, I was actually eating something that was formerly a live being.

Thank god they didn't name their vegetables.

6:56 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

I started to tell you that Cliff names his cars and tractors; then I realized it's ME that gives them the name, and he uses it. I named an ugly old tractor of his "Big Ugly", and now it's stuck with that name.

Congratulations on your purchase of two bottomless money-holes (horses). I expect to hear about them from time to time.

7:03 AM  
Blogger denise said...

For awhile I had this hurking beast of a Ford Bronco, It had no back window and when it rained for days without stopping it would sprout mushrooms from the floor boards (really) I named her Buella. Currently I have a green 4-runner I have lovingly named road-runner.

10:28 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Jeff, it must have been a 4-H animal. It's good the kids could deal with it.

Donna, I think you better get your husbands opinion on the subject and see how he feels about it. And yes, these two have the ability to eat. They weren't shy around food liks some can be on their first night away from the home they know.

Denise, welcome back, hon! So, you too are guilty... Ladies, it's confession time. Step right up and confess your auto naming sins.

10:59 AM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

Which comedian said, "Never trust anything that bleeds for five straight days and lives"?

Okay, my first car was a 1971 VW Beetle...named Penelope. My little red pre-child Mazda MX-3 was called Scarlett. Our purple Altima was named Barney.

But now you have reminded me that we haven't named our behemoth of a silver minivan!

12:45 PM  
Anonymous THartill said...

Now Now...I think guys have a habit of naming a certain thing also.


I think you should go with Betsy...or Charlie.

1:29 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Mo3, best consult with slave hubby befoer doing so, or if not, keep him away from reading this article.

Tryan, men usually only name boats and certain body parts. If we're really drunk we might name that thing on Aaron Neville's face.

1:44 PM  
Blogger CB said...

LOL! I really never knew that women did this! That is, naming cars thing. I have never named any vehicle, nor can I remember my mother or g-ma doing so. I had a few friends that named their's but I just thought they were, well, high, perpetually. We do name our homes, tho. Right now we are in the process of buying our g-ma's home, Thistle Dew. We will be renaming it.

Have you local bloggers RSVPed to the blogger party, yet?

10:34 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Thistle Dew, what a great name!

11:27 AM  

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