Auto Identity

Today is the final post from the Readers Revenge assignment week. I will resume posting the things I wish to remove from mind. I may do another Readers Revenge in the future. Maybe this summer. I already have a photo for it.

Anyway, in conclusion, this was requested by an anonymous person named who just got a new car.

Why is it women name their cars? Men refer to their vehicles as the car, the truck, the rig or the piece of shit, but women have to give their cars a name.

Thinking back I have never named a car, though in 1973 a girlfriend did name my off the show room floor, 1972 Grand Torino Sport. It was powder blue with a white vinyl roof and a white interior. She named it the Marshmallow. What emasculation! And I was only 17!

I also purchased a green ¾ ton pick-up truck from a woman a few years back. As I was getting in to drive it away she said, “His name is Kermit.” "God Damn you!" I thought, she just ruined it for me. I since sold it and I still see this truck around town. Every time I do I call it Kermit in my head. Damn her!

Since then I found that my wife’s family always named the family car “Bessie Lu.” She named her present car Wilber…don’t ask. The person who suggested this topic has a new car that she has named, and every time I see her I ask about it, but I change the name slightly each time. I’m having fun, but she is not amused.

I can tie this in with other theories I have about women. My theory is that women live longer than men because they are more aware of their mortality. They are more aware of their mortality because they bleed every month. Seeing ones own blood is a constant reminder of mortality. Men only see their blood when they do something stupid, and the stupidity takes center stage more than their mortality, and if they cut themselves shaving they will whine like puppies. When you are more aware of your mortallity you take better care of things, including your self.

Women are for the most part, nurturers. Adding a name adds to possessions makes the possessions part of the family, and something that needs to be cared for. Women’s autos last longer then autos owned by men. My wife’s car was purchased new in 1998. It is still as good as new. During that same period I have had five different vehicles.

I now need to add this to the list of things men don’t do and do not do they like it when someone does it for/to them. So remember most men don’t like yogurt, cottage cheese, dancing, white wine spritzers, shopping for shoes, asking directions, being kept from the TV remote, babies, Oprah, The View, Dr Phil, being verbose and naming their vehicles.

Got it, ladies? Unless you are trying to get a rise out of us and are willing to pay the price, knock it off and don’t name our cars and trucks. We know that we don’t want that sort of long term relationship with what we drive. Just like how you aren’t supposed to name a cow that you are going to eat, we don’t want to name our vehicles. We don’t want to live with the attachment and regret that will eventually come. If we start naming our vehicles we will have to start naming our screw drivers and hammers as well. Please, don’t make us go there.