A Close Shave

I once tried growing a beard. It didn’t look good at all, though I did keep a mustache for a couple months after shaving the beard. That too went because I was always messed with it. It bugged me by touching my lip.

Maybe I’m a bit tweaky, but (OK I realize I’m going to put out another bit of my neurotic behavior, so those of you keeping track of them all, this is for you) I don’t like being touched by things. Having my mustache touch my lips is akin to walking into a spider web. Having someone’s pet brush up against me is like having insects crawling on me. I won’t go for massages. Sometimes I’ll grow my hair for years just so I won’t have someone touching me to cut it. I avoid hugging for the most part, and one has to be very special and close to me to get away with it. I dislike shaking hands as well.

Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to comment on razors. When I was old enough to shave I used what was called a safety razor. For those of you too young to remember this was a double edged blade that went into a device. Safer than a straight blade, it still inflicted a great deal of injuries. If you ever check into an old hotel and see strangely shaped slot that goes into the bathroom wall, that’s a razor disposal.

Eventually someone invented the Track II which was two blades stacked in one razor. That shaved much better than a single blade. Then one-upmanship happened and someone came out with a razor with three blades. Eventually a four blade system came out, and I recently heard an ad for a five blade system and I saw a six blade on the net. When and where will this madness end? I haven’t tried the five or six blade system yet, but I have tried the four blade. I think the three blade system is the best so far. It lasts a long time and it doesn’t feel bad.

Oddly the reason this all comes to mind is because I was applying shaving cream to my face the other morning and I my finger slipped and I got some on my lip. I had to wipe it off immediately, and then I thought of my father. He would get a full hand of shaving cream and in one big circular motion he was covered; lips, nose and other areas that didn’t ever need shaving. I conservatively place it exactly and only exactly over areas to be shaved. The less of me that gets touched, the better I feel.

It also reminds me of a time when I was having dinner with my guy friends in Manzanita and Nehalem. There was a bunch of us. All the men except for me and one other person had facial hair. I asked why only he and I were clean shaven, and one fellow’s response was, “Probably because you two are the only fools at this table who are married.

OK, have at it.