Friday, February 15, 2008

Never Been


About a year ago I posted an article on things I’ve never done. It digressed and I ended talking about a hooker in Honolulu…

Anyway, I was driving through Astoria the other day I realized there are places in town I have never been to. Here is a partial list:

The Astoria Police Station, any Astoria Fire Station, any court room, City Hall, any church (are you surprised?), any fish market, any bar other than the Portway, Baked AK, Silver Salmon and the Ship Inn. I’ve never been in Annies. I’ve never been in the Moose lodge or Custard King. I’ve never been in the new county jail or the Astoria Train station or the Astoria Pool. I never went to the Steam Baths not to SOUMI(SP) Hall. I haven't been to the Voodoo Room. I haven’t been in KFC or the tobacco shop, nor have I even been in the Astoria Liquor store. I have never been to any of the drive-up espresso stands, or ever visited the rest room under the Dough Boy. I've never been inside the Pioneer House, or the Lower Columbia Bowl, nor have I ever been on the Columbia offshore of Astoria in a boat larger than a kayak.

This said, I should compile a list of places in Astoria where I wish I had never gone or never plan to return to again.

19 Comments:

Blogger Beth said...

Your list of where you have never been says a lot about you. A list of where you wish you'd never been and never plan to return will reveal even more. (Looking forward to it.)

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guy you are spending entirely too much time in feed stores. Judging from this post, it would appear your distaste for ocean fisher poets may extend to ocean fish as well. (I know you have written about lake and stream fishing). I bet a bale of dried orchard grass replete with dried apple slices, you've never dug a razor clam either.

10:04 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Beth, OK I'll commit to writing that list.

Anon, Pay up. Not only have I dug them, but I've also eaten those disgusting things. Either they are undercooked or they are leather. There's no in between. As for the ocean fish, I did say Astoria, I have purchased them elsewhere, but the reality is that I don't buy much sea food because of the trauma of Fridays while growing up in a pre-Vatican II Catholic family. Not to mention going to Catholic school where nuns would inspect your lunch on Fridays. And you folks wonder why I'm so quirky...

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn. Just tell Papa Jacks to put it on my bill. I bet if Flee cooked up some clam fritters you'd like 'em.

1:22 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Papa Jack's will be appearing on my next list.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

Custard King is for sale--I saw an ad on craigslist. You should buy it.

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If FLee is cooking up fritters, he needs to bring a certain elderly lady some clams first.....

2:32 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Maybe there's a reason it hasn't sold. Rich, it could be your ticket back to Astoria.

Anon, it's just a ploy to get me to eat something in front of people.

2:48 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

Yeah, I could have a front-seat view of the giant, explosive LNG tankers going by. I'd have to rename it to something like Custard Bang or LNG Café with a catchy ad phrase like, We'll give you gas!

3:02 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

You planning on grilling those burgers with oil?

3:09 PM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

Fisher Poets? Is there some place on your list for Fisher Poets?

6:22 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

You bet there is, Mo3. It's on the things I never want to do again list.

Now I will be in town next weekend to meet with my blog hero, Matt, but you can trust that no poetry from old toothless sea dogs will ever pass my ear.

9:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh geez, I heard Papa Jacks was in trouble, I bet that orchard grass is on backorder.

8:49 AM  
Anonymous denise said...

I know the reason the custard king hasn't sold, Its because the owners wont sell unless is stays the custard king, old fashioned burgers and shakes and all. Hey the ship inn is awesome, one of my best girlfriends is a waitress there! oh and you cant go in the custard king only stand outside.

9:29 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Well it's an inside kind of an outside. Kind of like a big phone booth.

10:31 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

they have good custard, but i don't think they make any $

10:23 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Paul, welcome back. I haven't heard from you since you were in Cannon Beach.

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How much is the Custard King?

4:53 PM  
Blogger Guy said...

No idea, this was posted back in 2008

11:18 AM  

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