Thursday, May 08, 2008

What The Ad Really Says

There is a TV commercial for a company that is a service that will tell you the history of an automobile you are considering buying. It shows a car in a flood and the ad reads, “new upholstery.” Another one of a car that had been in burned by an engine fire; that ad said “Hot!”

Horse shopping is a lot like shopping for a used car because of deceptive and or exaggerated descriptions. After a while you can learn to see through what they are saying. I've been seeing them all during the last two weeks. It's a precious moment when you can ask the owner how they came up with the totally inaccurate description.

The one I dealt with yesterday afternoon was advertised as finished, yet it only knew how to go forward, left and right, and sometimes stop. She was a sweet horse, but never knew anything else than the basics. Finished horses should know how to collect and frame up, neck reign, turn by leg pressure, haunch turns, forehand turns, back up, side-pass and all sorts of trots and canters and walking speeds.

Here are some texts that make me see red flags:

Great trail horse = Knows how to go left, right and straight.
Some Parelli training= Inexperienced trainer who watches entirely too much RFD-TV and the horse is confused.
Finished horse less than $4,000=Owner has no idea of what finished means.
Barefoot=Owner fell for the Strasser Cult and he horse has had hoof abscesses.
Broodmare=Hasn’t been ridden for years or ever.
Excellent Ground Manners=Has no manners under saddle.
Easy Keeper= Will eat everything in sight and is probably aggressive at feeding time.
Beautiful=A hand full. There are always problems with the beautiful horses.
Beautiful Summer Coat=Looks like it has Cushings Disease the rest of the year.
Professionally trained for 30 days=Let me know when it’s had 90 days or take 2k off the price.
Loves working in arena=Horse is spooky outdoors.
Loves outdoor riding=Horse is spooky indoors.
Get up and go=Horse never stands still.
Lead Mare=Will attempt to kick your other horses to death.
Curious and smart=Escape artist.
Young for her age=Should include a shovel in the deal.
Need tune-up=Needs overhaul.
No vices=Yeah, right…


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn...that sounds a lot like online dating sites!

Atheletic = flat chested
Looking for soul mate = Stalker
A few extra pounds = porker
Learned from life = town bike
Willing to relocate = desperate


5:22 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

You nailed this one Guy. The horse business can be so freakin' dirty.

7:05 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

These are great! And by the way, going by your definitions, my Blue qualifies as "great trail horse". Libby might be "some Parelli training" and "excellent ground manners".

I'm smiling.

7:06 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Moose, too funny. You really need to blog.

Syd, I'm thinking of getting into beef instead. I'll be writing you and K for pointers.

Donna, feel free to post the list on your blog for all your horse readers. It is pretty funny, yet sad.

8:35 AM  
Blogger Chantel said...

Oh yes, I agree with Moose. Definitely sounds like dating sites.

420 friendly = drug dealer
friends first = one night stand and never call you again
must be family oriented = mormon mamma's boy
40 looks 30 = balding but no wrinkles and acts like he's 12.

9:44 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Just the idea that Moose and Chantel are involved in on-line dating makes me wonder what would happen if the two of them met. An alcohol and insult laden affair. I could write fiction on that topic...

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insult laden? Come on Guy - you're being too hard on Chantel. Although she is "hot", 251 is way too young for me....


4:14 AM  
Blogger Bpaul said...

love it, sending it to horse friends

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Columbiacontrolfreak said...

Hey! I met my honey at an online dating site, but I was honest. Don't remember the exact wording but it was something like.

SWF, 26, healthy but no swimsuit model. 5 cats, 4 dogs, one rusty pickup truck. Love outdoors, gardening, critters, music. Looking for SM No smoking, drugs or STD's.

His reply was equally honest and when we met up a week later he bored me to tears. LOL!!! I went out with him again a second time and we had a great time.

8:34 PM  

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