Turning On Jesus
I am one that can only take just so much foolishness. Sure I do enjoy some, but when it gets to a certain point I can’t hold back. My wife knows this about me and she will often take a bullet for me like she did yesterday.
I’ve written some articles on integrated pest management for agriculture that get published or cited or get me speaking engagements and people like to contact me to comment from time to time. Lately I’ve been contacted by extremely religious people from the South East. The one yesterday from Georgia told my wife that the Lord spoke to him and gave him instructions to look me up on the Internet and call me. At this point she felt it best not to hand the phone over to me.
It seems that Jesus told him a solution for the whole IPM problem in agriculture, and he was supposed to call me and tell me what the Lord said and that I would be able cure all the ills of farming on the planet.
My wife asked if he could tell her and she could tell me. He asked if Jesus was her personal savior. When she said that he wasn’t her savior the man said that Jesus only wants believers to hear his words. My wife informed him that I am an Atheist and that I would probably be less receptive to any Lordly suggestions than she. At this point the man wondered openly why Jesus would have told him to call me, of all people.
My wife suggested that maybe he could find someone in Agriculture at the University of Georgia to speak with. She handled this call much more tactfully than I would have.
I would have asked if you have the voice of Jesus in your head why it’s OK, but if you have any other voice in your head you are crazy. Seriously folks if Jesus is speaking to you and telling you need to do things you probably need some Lithium. Though it seems like it’s real and though you want it to be real, it simply isn’t. You are being swept up in the spirit that false prophets use to get you to donate money to them. They make it seem so possible and logical. I know you have good intentions, but please if you aren’t going to go on medication for this malady, please at least try to keep your revelations to yourself.
posted by The Guy Who Writes This at 4:00 AM
13 Comments:
As you know, I'm a believer. However, I never trust anyone who says "God told me to tell you....".
If God wants me to know something, He should be able to tell me directly, without using a go-between.
Donna, that is one of the things I love about you. Had I not read your bio I wouldn't you were a believer. You never try to convert or pervert that which inspires you.
I need some Lithium Ion batteries.
I'm not sure why one would need Jesus to tell him this kind of information. It was obvious when the gadget quit working.
Vivat Jesus!
Yeah, 'cause if there is a "god" and he is trying to "tell you something" he'd do it like that, by having some nut job call you on the phone. This really cracked me up.
Hell called. Their idiot's missing. :)
I always ask those door-to-door LDS/Mormons if they'd like to come in for some caffeine and alcohol.
Even more funny, ask them where Jesus was born. The Book o' Mormon states He was born in Jerusalem. That totally explains why the Bible calls him Jesus of Nazareth. When they tell me Jerusalem and I correct them, they leave in a huff.
I hope God has a sense of humor.
That is too funny.
Your wife is a saint. And I mean that in the 'tolerance' sense - not the walking on water sense.
Sam Kinnison used to do a funny bit on God messing with one of his followers like telling him to go out at two in the morning to get ice cream. I don't remember all the stuff in his routine, but it was funny.
My husband said maybe god had the wrong number!
Why didn't he mention to the fella that you wuz an atheist? Did that part slip past God??? Just askin'??
Denise, Oops...
Mike, yet another mistake from the top down.
I speak on the topic of natural IPM. I don't use chemicals.
I just died laughing when I saw the pic!
(stealing it just for grins)
Your wife deserves a medal, that was a rough one.
Funny thing about that light switch cover, I had one of those fuckers when I was growing up. The nuns gave them out to the kids in school.
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