Friday, May 22, 2009

Anti-Green


I am sick of “green.” There is a local pitch man that has radio commercials where he states he is “Green” and is personally responsible for keeping tons of carbon out of the atmosphere whenever you buy a car from him. This is total bull shit. If he wanted to eliminate carbon he should rent a track hoe and bury the cars on his lot his lot and start selling bicycles. I don’t care if you think you are doing the planet a favor by driving a Pious, you just aren’t. You are still burning fossil fuel and to top it off you are driving around with more heavy metals and weight from the batteries.

The there is the Johnson Company promos that show the company using methane from the land fill and wind power. Well that’s nice, but what about all that poison you are putting in plastic bottles and selling to people. And buy the way, those plastic bottles you are using used four times the water that the containers could hold just to make the plastic for your poison and future land fill.

I used to consider my self a green advocate, but these hucksters are giving green a bad name. I now go out of my way to not buy anything that boasts of its greeness. At least the non-green companies are being honest.

It seems the definition of being green is like being a little bit pregnant. Either you are or you aren’t. Yes, it is a good idea to turn off the juice when not in use, but don’t pat yourself on the back too hard. It should be common sense not to be wasteful, though sense is rarely common these days.

If you want to be green, stop going places you don’t need to go. Do you work out of town? Get a job closer to home, preferably in your home. “Why are you buying food that had to be trucked or shipped thousands of miles to get here? "I’ll be green, but I won’t do without my coffee, orange juice, chocolate and bananas.”

If want to pat yourself on the back for crawling out from under a rock and using modern materials in renovations on your house and buildings, good for you, but I hope you are in the process of downsizing in order to make it a worthwhile pat on the back. If you are in a historic home and you are holding on to your single pane windows for the authentic historical look, you are a douche; plain and simple.

All I’m trying to say is that no one is really green, and if you were you wouldn’t be reading this right now. So get off your green high horse and shut the fuck up and go for a walk.

15 Comments:

Blogger Beth said...

I hesitated to leave a comment – it reveals my somewhat lax commitment to being green...
I promise to turn off my computer and go for a walk – later.

4:43 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

I take a walk almost ever day. So there! Turn my computer off? NEVER!

5:26 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

You tell it, brother. **applause**

7:13 AM  
Anonymous Pam said...

one of the local pains in the ass who professes "green"ity, and looks down her nose to all that do not, recently moved to town and instead of moving into an existing structure of which there are many vacancies........is building a new one. Give me a freakin' break !

7:17 AM  
Blogger Uncle Walt said...

Yep. I've said for years that every environmentalist is a hypocrit.

Let THEM give up their homes, their vehicles, their clothes, their medicines, and their food ... THEN they can tell us not to log, not to turn forests into farmland, not to mine, etc, etc.

Like Al Gore jetting around burning tons of fuel, telling us to give up our cars. Bugger off!

9:05 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

Hey now! What's all this crazy talk about common sense? Are you trying to put me out of a job? And working from home isn't an option for some of us. I'm trying harder not to be wasteful and to control the amount of pollution I add to the earth, but I also have to live in the real world too. And you don't want me to go without coffee or my wife to go without chocolate, either. I believe that may be one of the signs of the apocalypse.

9:09 AM  
Anonymous F. Lee said...

I've been way ahead of the game here for years.....for a long time I've done my illegal high seas gillnetting with recycled gillnet...and I'm working on a new ORGANIC Tree Frog Poison that I'm going to market under the name "Croak No More".... also, the Hummingbird Traps I'm developing will be made of recycled materials. Milk jug plastic can make pretty lifelike looking flowers that will fool the Hummingbirds, and the spring traps from recycled mouse traps will provide the mechanism that will catch and dispatch the pesky critters with one solid "SNAP"!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Auntie said...

I love FLee !!

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does going "Green" have you seeing red? If you really want to impress your friends and neighbors. Show you're truly concerned about salmon, the environment, saving money and the planet is to send off for JP's totally organic, 100% natural, carbon negative, solar powered clothes dryer. Yes my friends for the low low price of $49 you will receive this miracle appliance constructed entirely of hemp.. Used properly it will quietly dry an entire load of clothes in a few hours using no gas or electricity and presenting no threat of fire to your home, Best of all your garments and bedding will smell like the fresh air and flowers in your back yard. Of course JP's solar dryer is guaranteed for 5 years. Don't let the utility companies hang you out to dry. Start saving big money now. Only $49 sent to JP at 1167 Marine Dr. Astoria Or. 97103 "Dry it you'll like it".

12:22 PM  
Blogger g said...

do you have any idea how many people are working because of the green movement? we've managed to create an economy.

like most things, in time it will either become normal or a trend that has worn out.

i have to go for a walk now at which time i must pay homage to the green movement founding father and inventor of the internet - algore.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Nulaanne said...

Woohooo!! Yeah!!! Some one who agrees with me on this "Green" cr@p.

9:56 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

It's good to see how many like minded people are out there.

We all have to love F.Lee. Too funny, dude.

g, you are obviously forgetting all the people the green movement has displaced and how much more it costs to do business green. Like the cheeky ad above, a clothes line will cost you a couple of bucks, but call it green solar technology and suddenly it's $49. So call yourself green, but you drive to Portland every day, don't you?

6:23 AM  
Blogger g said...

i drive to pdx daily but my car is red sadly.

the same color as my cape.

i must now depart to save the world from itself.

10:16 AM  
Blogger RobbKidd said...

While you are at it can you include "sustainable",and "socially responsible." I just finished working for an organization with one of those in the title, what BS.

I really like the post.

4:18 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Thanks, Robb. They are words of opportunity.

5:20 AM  

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