Anti-Green

I am sick of “green.” There is a local pitch man that has radio commercials where he states he is “Green” and is personally responsible for keeping tons of carbon out of the atmosphere whenever you buy a car from him. This is total bull shit. If he wanted to eliminate carbon he should rent a track hoe and bury the cars on his lot his lot and start selling bicycles. I don’t care if you think you are doing the planet a favor by driving a Pious, you just aren’t. You are still burning fossil fuel and to top it off you are driving around with more heavy metals and weight from the batteries.

The there is the Johnson Company promos that show the company using methane from the land fill and wind power. Well that’s nice, but what about all that poison you are putting in plastic bottles and selling to people. And buy the way, those plastic bottles you are using used four times the water that the containers could hold just to make the plastic for your poison and future land fill.

I used to consider my self a green advocate, but these hucksters are giving green a bad name. I now go out of my way to not buy anything that boasts of its greeness. At least the non-green companies are being honest.

It seems the definition of being green is like being a little bit pregnant. Either you are or you aren’t. Yes, it is a good idea to turn off the juice when not in use, but don’t pat yourself on the back too hard. It should be common sense not to be wasteful, though sense is rarely common these days.

If you want to be green, stop going places you don’t need to go. Do you work out of town? Get a job closer to home, preferably in your home. “Why are you buying food that had to be trucked or shipped thousands of miles to get here? "I’ll be green, but I won’t do without my coffee, orange juice, chocolate and bananas.”

If want to pat yourself on the back for crawling out from under a rock and using modern materials in renovations on your house and buildings, good for you, but I hope you are in the process of downsizing in order to make it a worthwhile pat on the back. If you are in a historic home and you are holding on to your single pane windows for the authentic historical look, you are a douche; plain and simple.

All I’m trying to say is that no one is really green, and if you were you wouldn’t be reading this right now. So get off your green high horse and shut the fuck up and go for a walk.