Animal Identity

Living with other creatures in our environment makes it easy to reverse-anthropomorphize their characteristics onto other humans. I recently told someone she was a cougar. We laughed about it, but she asked what the male equivalent was and I said either a dirty old man or arrested development. Cougar sounds so much cooler.

There are other animals that get assigned to human traits. A bear is a fat hairy guy. A cow is a heavy woman with large breasts. A bull is a man that has little regard for obstacles. A wolf is a womanizer. A weasel is a profiteer or a gossip. A dog and a worm is a lowly human. A cat is a Jazz enthusiast. A bird is a cute young woman as is a chick. On the other hand a chicken is a fearful person. A hawk is someone that thinks war is the solution. A dove is the opposite of the hawk. A turkey is someone that gets it wrong. A pig is someone that is dirty or someone that makes sex dirty. A hog is a hoarder. Sheep are people that follow others mindlessly. Goats and mules are tough and stubborn. A mouse is a quiet person where a shrew is a tenacious single minded opponent. A rat is either a snitch or closely related to a weasel. Rat bastard on the other hand has too many definitions. A fish is a person living in a limited world that gulps for air. A beaver and a squirrel…well let’s not get into that because that is more anatomical, though anti-Semites back on the east coast did call the Hassidic Jews (males), squirrels. People involved in medical testing are called guinea pigs. Oafish or un-delicate people are called apes. A bee is an industrious person. Jelly fish are spineless people. A snake is someone that cannot be trusted. A Zebra is someone of mixed race and a gazelle is someone that is agile.

Some animals have escaped being added to the human characteristic food chain such as: hamsters, bison, starfish, wood chuck, otters and most insects. I’m sure we can find assignments for those creatures that have yet to assigned a human qualities.