Monday, August 17, 2009

Animal Identity

Living with other creatures in our environment makes it easy to reverse-anthropomorphize their characteristics onto other humans. I recently told someone she was a cougar. We laughed about it, but she asked what the male equivalent was and I said either a dirty old man or arrested development. Cougar sounds so much cooler.

There are other animals that get assigned to human traits. A bear is a fat hairy guy. A cow is a heavy woman with large breasts. A bull is a man that has little regard for obstacles. A wolf is a womanizer. A weasel is a profiteer or a gossip. A dog and a worm is a lowly human. A cat is a Jazz enthusiast. A bird is a cute young woman as is a chick. On the other hand a chicken is a fearful person. A hawk is someone that thinks war is the solution. A dove is the opposite of the hawk. A turkey is someone that gets it wrong. A pig is someone that is dirty or someone that makes sex dirty. A hog is a hoarder. Sheep are people that follow others mindlessly. Goats and mules are tough and stubborn. A mouse is a quiet person where a shrew is a tenacious single minded opponent. A rat is either a snitch or closely related to a weasel. Rat bastard on the other hand has too many definitions. A fish is a person living in a limited world that gulps for air. A beaver and a squirrel…well let’s not get into that because that is more anatomical, though anti-Semites back on the east coast did call the Hassidic Jews (males), squirrels. People involved in medical testing are called guinea pigs. Oafish or un-delicate people are called apes. A bee is an industrious person. Jelly fish are spineless people. A snake is someone that cannot be trusted. A Zebra is someone of mixed race and a gazelle is someone that is agile.

Some animals have escaped being added to the human characteristic food chain such as: hamsters, bison, starfish, wood chuck, otters and most insects. I’m sure we can find assignments for those creatures that have yet to assigned a human qualities.


Blogger Trop said...

My wife is 21 years younger; does that make me a cougar?

7:13 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

Hmmm... so many directions I could go with this.... But I'll behave myself. I'm pretty much a bear with some ape-ish attributes. I live with a wombat and a yak. And two (actual) dogs. And I know a seriously large buttload of squirrels. I'm not the big dog, but I'm not a new fish, either. And I think I'll clam up now.

7:35 AM  
Blogger richpix said...

Wasp, a member of the American ruling class
Butterfly, someone who flits from one thing to another
Whale, a large person often associated with a beach
Ass, an inane person who brays incessantly

12:34 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I want an animal association! What am I?! I want to know? LOL

5:33 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Trop, Yep, maybe a cheetah as well you rascal. Nice catch by the way.

Darev and Rich, I should have let you two write this piece. You went beyond the obvious.

Amy, what animals in Texas can you relate to?

7:09 PM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

Oh, that was just catty.

8:24 AM  

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