Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The L&C Experience


Back when I wrote this we were coming up to the Bi-Centennial of Lewis and Clark Expedition. The call for scripts was sent out and I had several related to the topic. This piece was slipped between other skits like a commercial announcement.

I present to you The Total Lewis and Clark Experience.

It is now time for a commercial break. The show this hour is brought to you by:
The Lewis and Clark Experience

As the Lewis and Clark Bi-Centennial quickly approaches I want to make everyone aware of the “Total Lewis and Clark Experience” which is a way for all history buffs to fully experience the historical events that the great explorers enjoyed two hundred years ago.

The Lewis and Clark Experience is a comprehensive travel package, and for a mere $25,000 (Per person double occupancy), you too can walk the walk and talk the talk.

Lodging
You will be housed in a rustic yet airy timber shack, and warmed by our smoky, wet wood fires. Also as a bonus your mattress will keep you busy with an infestation of the finest local fleas. Also every guest will be infected with syphilis and be given doses of mercury as an added bonus. Pets are welcome.

Dining
Belly up to the table for such delicacies as jerky, salmon, elk, dog, and hopefully whale blubber; that is if one washes up on shore as a seasonal event.

Day Trips
There will be daily cedar dug-out canoe excursions and races. There will be weekly treks to the coast to look for beached seafood. There will also be an excursion where we will meet up with the “Total Gandhi Experience” members. Together we will make salt by the sea.

Shopping
You will be given weapons, beads, knives and knots of tobacco for trade with the locals. Oddly these objects are still very desirable to the locals. You will be surprised what you will get in trade for these objects. Visitors in the past have gotten things such as, a GMC pickup truck, a half rack of Hams, an ex-wife, a steelhead rod and real, a chain saw, and a bag of shrimp.

So Book Now! For more information call us anytime at 1-800-IM-A-DOPE.

4 Comments:

Anonymous auntie said...

PERFECT!

6:14 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

Hmmm.... a little spendy. Will you take a bad two party out of state check? There are several people I want to send on this trip. I'll be staying at home this year, unfortunately.

6:21 AM  
Blogger mark said...

Slaves?

8:43 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Thanks Auntie,

Darev, some people have more money than brains.

Mark, all are welcome.

5:13 AM  

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