Thursday, July 13, 2006

Dried Fish Metric

We (The USA, or as many call it "Merica") still have not converted over to the metric system. The rest of the world has. Think of what that is costing us. We even lost a probe that was rocketed to Mars over a metric conversion. If we knew the metric system we would be able to blend in better when traveling to other countries. We wouldn't need to purchase two sets of tools.

How about if we designate Clatsop, excuse me, “Dried Salmon County” (see yesterdays post), as the first county in the US to go metric. We will take no prisoners and we will be arrogant. We could make so much money!

First we will change the speed limit signs to 65. In Oregon our speed signs make no mention of MPH. People will think that it is OK to go 65 miles per hour, but they will all be ticketed for driving at 104 KPH on a 65 KPH zone. That is 39 KPH over the limit, or as we now know it, 65 in a 40. Don’t worry, I did the math. It works.

We could also have a metric jar. That’s kind of like a swear jar. Anyone who uses a swear word drops a nickel in the jar, but in our situation if you used a non-metric measurement you would have to contribute. Metric jars would be placed at all grocery stores, fabric stores, gas stations and lumber yards…oops we can’t have lumber yards any more. They will have to become lumber meters. You will have to convert your back yard into your back meter. Ten Gallon hats will be known as 37.85 liter hats. If you go to the pediatrist you will have to show them your centimeters. The grains of rice on your plate will become grams of rice. We can confuse ourselves into a tizzy, but soon we will be as confused as the rest of the world as to why the rest of our country hasn't gone metric yet.

Maybe we will make some head-way when there is no one left who calls our country, "Merica."


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