Employment

We were brought into this world with the idea that all men and women were created equal. However, it is the things that we do after that birth that distinguish us. In the end this all boils down employability.

Clatsop(Dried Salmon)County is not known for family wage jobs. There was once logging and fishing, but now we have stumps and canneries falling into the river. There is no industry that can carry the burden of employing our local talent. Employees flock to jobs that pay the minimum wage. There is big competition for jobs that pay more. People with Graduate Degrees are applying for jobs that pay $9.00 per hour.

Here is a test on how well you stack up in the highly competitive job market. Since we were all created equal you get to start with 100 points, and deduct all the points that apply to your situation.

Deduct 5 points - if you wear a hat.
Deduct 5 points - if you wear a hat backwards or sideways, or if it's a Cowboy hat.
Deduct 5 points - for every visible tattoo.
Deduct 5 points - if your shirt does not have buttons.
Deduct 5 points - if you have any stains on your clothing.
Deduct 5 points - if you are a man wearing visible jewelry that requires piercing.
Deduct 5 points - for every piercing you have on your face.
Deduct 5 points - if you wear more than three pieces of jewelry (including watches.)
Deduct 5 points - if you haven't had your hair professionally cut in the last three months.
Deduct 5 points - if you haven't been to a dentist in the last year.
Deduct 5 points - if you use tobacco.
Deduct 5 points - if you have facial hair.
Deduct 5 points - if you purchase beer by the case and that case costs less than $25.
Deduct 5 points - if your car is not clean.
Deduct 5 points - if you do not shower daily.
Deduct 5 points - if your belt looks tattered.
Deduct 5 points - if you like to share your opinions with anyone who will listen. (remember opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and most of them stink.)
Deduct 5 points - if you do not know how to turn on a computer.
Deduct 5 points - if you think someone is out to get you.
Deduct 5 points – if someone has gotten you.

Your Score
Score 85 -100 You can work anywhere and you are highly desired.
Score 70 - 84 You may find work if you know someone like a relative who is hiring.
Score 55 - 69 You can pump gas, flip burgers, or drive a taxi.
Score 40 - 54 You can clean toilets.
Score 25 - 39 You can work where you can not be seen by the public.
Score 0 - 24 You are unemployable.
Score Below 0 You should consider prison or maybe moving to a third world country.