Saturday, May 12, 2007

10 Problems With Hotels

With as much traveling as I’ve done over the years I find that most hotels share similar problems. Actually they aren’t problems; they are more in the order of annoying quirks.

First, why is it the curtains never close all the way? You pull them together, yet they still have an open gap where they join.

Second, why don’t hotel rooms ever have a night light? I’m a stranger in a strange room and I don’t want to turn on lights just to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Third, why does the bedding always feel like plastic? Nothing feels like natural fiber.

Fourth, where do they get their pillows? They are too puffy so when you lay your head down on one the rest of the pillow comes up around the side of your head.

Fifth, What’s up with the huge television cabinets that take up a lot of real estate in the rooms? They try to hide the TV and to watch it you must open doors that only open wide enough to view it from one bed.

Sixth, in trying to upscale rooms for the business traveler they now have large desks with room for a laptop and a nice executive chair that when in place needs to be moved away in order to pass.

Seventh, what shitty tile setters do they hire to lay bathroom tile? It is rare to ever see a well done tile job in a hotel.

Eighth, what’s with the popcorn ceilings?

Ninth, why is so hard to regulate the heat in a hotel room.

Tenth, why are shower heads so low? If you are over five feet tall you have to bend over backwards to get your hair wet in the shower.


Anonymous Saigon Hilton said...

>>why is it the curtains never close all the way?>>

So the staff can congregate outside your window and peek in on your nocturnal activities.

>>what’s with the popcorn ceilings?>>

Lots of people get murdered in hotels. The accoustically improved ceilings are designed to minimize the noise from screams, groans and moans so as not to disturb the other guests

>>why are shower heads so low?>>

A lot of people use hotels, like Elliot for example, for one thing-as a place to take dog prostitutes procured at street fairs and Sunday Markets. Placing the shower heads low in the shower more easily facilitates the washing of the dog's anus prior to and after getting down to bidness.

9:56 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Oddly, that all makes sense to me now.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Excellent points all.

Here's one of mine - hotel rooms with windows that don't open. I need fresh air to sleep! If they're worried about jumpers/suicides, no one can fit through a tiny, slight opening. That's all I'd need.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

...and the coin slots are always jammed on the vibrating beds. What's up with that?

8:38 PM  
Blogger Mom of Three said...

Al I can think of is when "Monk" went in with the black light to his hotel room...

10:56 PM  
Blogger Auntie said...

I hate the cheesy artwork - of course. And those freakin' weird headboards that are just screwed to the wall. Well, I guess that one makes sense.

5:57 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Syd, Eeewww!

Mo3, Eeewww!

Beth, you would be surprised what openings people can get in.

The art work is improving. There were watercolors in the last room I was in.

6:14 AM  
Anonymous walter richards said...

Tenth, why are shower heads so low? If you are over five feet tall you have to bend over backwards to get your hair wet in the shower.

Actually, you'd probably find their at the same height as most household shower heads. At least, that's how it seems to me. It's like whoever installs shower heads forgets that even if the head is placed high enough for a 6.5-foot individual, it will still work for a 5-foot individual. But it doesn't really work the other way as well.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous answergal said...

Check out your room before you book with virtual tours like the ones available on Half your problems will be solved...

12:19 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Fortunately I built both my bath rooms and the shower head is at 7'.

Thanks, Answergal!

8:19 AM  

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