Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Another Super Power

A while back I had a post about super powers and if you could pick one which would it be. You could pick flying, super hearing, super strength, X-Ray vision or being invisible. I’ve added a new one to the list. I would like to have the super power of draining cell phone batteries with a single glance.

I had an appointment last week in Portland. It is the eye thing where I go in and wait and then they call me in to dilate my left eye, send me back out for twenty minutes, call me back in for a scan and send me back out for another half hour until the doctor gets caught up.

Shortly after I arrived (45 minutes early) in the waiting room a woman came in with her teen-aged son. The first thing you notice when checking in is a sign asking you to turn your cell phone off. This woman came in talking on the phone and she talked all through the check-in. She was talking to Shirley. I got to hear all about the restraining order she has against her ex-husband. I got to hear all about her mother’s goiter. I got to hear everything. I was in and out of the waiting room several times over the course of two hours, and she was still talking to Shirley. I come to find out that Shirley wasn’t her long lost sister, but rather her next door neighbor that she visits with every morning; a BFF.

I’m wondering how modern technology could have created an evil battery that can hold a charge that long. The bitch was still talking when she left, two hours later.

If a super power were ever given to me I’d like to drain cell phone batteries. I would smite all those rat bastards that drive with a phone to their ear. I’d smite all those folks that have to walk through the grocery store talking on their phones. I'd smite anyone that uses a phone in a restaurant. I’d smite anyone in a waiting room that is yakking away. I think a amendment should be added to the Oregon Clean Air Act where indoor cell phone use is regulated like it were tobacco smoke. Rat bastards, all of em.


Blogger Tango's Going Ons said...

Oh nooooo...don't drain the battery!!!
...but I do wish I could get them to send a piercing pain in their ears.
A couple of months ago I was sitting in traffic at a red light. Next to me was a woman in an SUV with her cell phone cocked in her ear. She had two young kids in the back seat without seatbelts. The child right behind her was playing in her hair.
I felt like bitch slapping her!!!

5:04 AM  
Blogger JustRex said...

Damn skippy Cap'n! I'd leave that power cranked on all of the time, as far out as I could get it. Of course, it would piss my daughter off like crazy, but she'd get over it eventually. I despise cell phones. Of the bazillions of cell phone users out there, how many of them are actually saying something important enough to be connected 24/7?

7:37 AM  
Blogger Me. Here. Right now. said...

I'm surprised the staff didn't insist she turn it off. It's their rule, they should enforce it - or hire me to enforce it. I have a very nice heel with which to grind cell phones into the dirt.

8:26 AM  
Anonymous jb said...

My pharmacy has a sign right on the counter that says "please do not use your cell phone while at the counter" because they have a huge problem with people talking on the phone while they are trying to give them instructions regarding their prescriptions. Yep, they still stand there and use their phones--right in front of the sign! Why don't these people realize how rude it is to be talking to someone else while others are trying to wait on them or waiting for them to get out of the way? I think if someone would develop a "smiting" device there could be a big market for it! I know I'd buy one.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Uncle Walt said...

In Europe ... you can buy cell phone jammers. Theaters use them to ensure no cell phones work during shows.

I've toyed with the idea of getting one, and putting it in my truck ... jamming all cell phones around me, as I'm driving.

'course, I've also toyed with the idea of getting one of those "civilian" speed-guns, and using it on idiots who zoom past me when I'm driving the speed limit. Just to see how many brake lights go on. lol

9:43 AM  
Blogger weese said...

how is it that most people i talk to say they can't stand cell phones - yet there are still soooo many people with them plastered on their ears.

granted i do have a cell phone- but my advice to anyone with the number is don't call it unless:
1) you have an emergency
b) you would like to make plans to get together
3) you need help finding the place where we are getting together.

i will not chat with you on my cell phone. or my home phone for that matter.

(oops there i go again getting all pissy about being on the grid)

10:03 AM  
Blogger weese said...

by the way..there is an article in the times you might find of interest today. (on the Opinion page)

and no... i am not (NOT) reading the news again. my wife sends me links to things occasionally. most likely to keep from slipping into total oblivion.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Trop said...

I have a cell phone only because my work requires it (they pay for it too).

10:30 AM  
Anonymous auntie said...


11:02 AM  
Blogger richpix said...

I wonder what she would have done if you had moved over very close to her. I mean very, very close. A total invasion of her personal space. And then start talking. Not loudly, but just enough that she could hear you. Tell her how important she is. Do a Stuart Smalley impersonation. Maybe take a magazine from the rack and read it to her. Or you could pick up the no cell phone sign and read it to her over and over. If you were there with someone you could sit on either side of her and hold a conversation through her.

We all have super powers. We often just don't exercise them.

11:48 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Tango, a piercing sound would be a good super power, too.

Darev, I use mine as I would have used a phone booth.

OK Lori, that can be your super power.

JB, I'd love to see your smite list. I bet it is larger than the Clatsop County voter registry.

Walt, great toys. Can't wait until Radio Shack stocks them.

Weese, please send me the link. BTW are you on Facebook yet?

Trop, OK I won't drain you unless you are driving or in the doctors office with me.

Auntie, Bacon isn't a super power, but rather super powerful.

Rich, I'm not that creepy...well maybe back when I used to get high.

8:48 PM  

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