Saturday, September 25, 2010

Vision of the Future


Here is a piece I wrote after having a funny idea of what would happen if Lewis was a Republican and if Clark was a Democrat.

Vision of the Future

Lewis and Clark are sitting around a table envisioning the future of their new found land.

Clark: (glancing across the horizon)
This sure is some beautiful country. I hope Jefferson doesn’t have any major plans to develop and build it up like the East Coast.

Lewis:
Are you kidding? He’d be crazy not to cash in on what’s here.

Clark:
Cash in? What do you mean?

Lewis:
Look at these trees. They are hundreds of years old and straight as arrows. We can use them build railroads that can haul thousands of people out here and have enough left over to build each person a house to live in.

Clark:
OK, how do you plan to feed all those people?

Lewis:
Fish, there are billions of fish in the river. We can feed people for a hundred years with the fish in the river.

Clark:
After you cut down all the trees and eat all the fish, what then? Do you drape the empty nets over the stumps, call it good and move somewhere else?

Lewis:
No you pull the stumps and make the place look like Ireland. It will be green and pastoral. Cows like green grass.

Clark:
And when the beef industry goes flat?

Lewis:
You create golf courses, garden shops and RV Parks.

Clark:
Will golf courses, garden shops and RV parks pay living wages to their employees.

Lewis:
Of course not. The economy will promote some criminal activity as a result, but the police will be paid well to keep order. Teachers and social workers will come along and then there will be several other well paid people around who will get paid to make the have-nots feel better about their lot in life. It’s a whole cultural / psychological juggernaut. The future economy will depend on it keeping in perfect balance.

Clark:
So your have-nots are doomed, and you don’t think that they will ever catch on that the success of the educated class depends on their doom?

Lewis:
That’s the beauty of it. When things look hopeless we can bring in some carpet bagger industry with an unsafe product that isn’t wanted anywhere else. We’ll get the word out about how bad it will be for the community and the have-nots will vote it down and feel good that they value safety over a living wage. They aren’t going to get hurt watering the lawn at the golf course. So what if they don’t make any money, at least they get to go home to their family every night. It’s a “Family Value” thing…(pauses momentarily in thought) Wow! “Family Values.” That’s golden…that phase is money in the bank…That’s political capital, what a great spin.

Clark:
You are so greedy, man! Why can’t you give anything to the poor to elevate them from their condition?

Lewis:
I will give the best thing they could ever ask for.

Clark:
OK, I’ll bite. What could that possibly be?

Lewis:
Churches! We will build them churches so they will understand that it is easier for a camel pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man into the kingdom of Heaven.

Clark:
You are so full of crap. You know damn well that if the poor didn’t believe in God they would murder all the rich people.

Lewis:
(Smirking)Ain’t that the truth Brother! Ain’t that the truth…I’m counting on it. So as I was saying, we will build churches in every neighborhood.

Clark:
And when churches aren’t enough to stave their misery?

Lewis:
Then we go to war.


Clark:
And when the war is over?

Lewis:
Then we build them a Wal*Mart. That will perpetuate the whole thing for fifty years or longer.

Clark:
You have all the answers don’t you?

Lewis:
Yep, that’s why we are not listed alphabetically. The brains get top billing. It’s “Lewis and Clark”, remember that. (Lewis stands to head off to bed)
I’m going to hit the sack and dream about the future. You best get ready to fill your pockets. Good night, William (Lewis exits the stage muttering) Stinking Liberal.

Clark:
Good night, Meriwether…
(Wonders aloud after Lewis is off the stage)
Somehow, I get the feeling I should kill him in his sleep...
Nah, he’s actually a good guy. He’ll forget all about it on the trip home to civilization.

3 Comments:

Blogger darev2005 said...

Pull up the stumps and make the place look like Ireland.

Wow.

Pass the taties!

7:56 AM  
Blogger mark said...

I like it that the slave-owning Clark is the liberal!

5:19 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Darev, Aye!

Mark, when you pull away the curtain, Liberals and Conservatives behave the same.

6:53 AM  

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