Monday, February 14, 2011

A Better Answer

Saint Valentines Day honors the patron saint of pedophilia, look it up, really. On this day I'm sure that many men will be taking their wives and girl friends out for dinner and will be faced with the question while dressing, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"

Here's the reality, as couples age women often get bigger butts and men get smaller butts. So you can lie and say no, or you can be honest which will make her self conscience and ruin her night, or you can be creative and say, "Your butt looks fine, but those pants seem too small. Good luck with which ever answer you choose.

And ladies, please stop asking that question. You know very well what your butts look like. Don't be picking fights with open ended questions. If we had an issue with your butt we would have brought it up in a time of our own temporary stupidity. You are fine, really. Now go out and have fun.


Blogger Donna said...

It's a question I was never stupid enough to ask.

5:38 AM  
Anonymous Pam said...

me too, because I always know the answer :)

6:26 AM  
Blogger Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Yeah, I used to have a heart shaped ass, now it kinda reminds me of a lemon...not that I'm sour or anything...

Love shared increases two-fold...Happy Heart Day to you, too!

6:41 AM  
Anonymous Ann S. said...

The accessory of a larger purse provides balance to the expanding problem....

7:48 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

When asked that question I always reply "That makes your butt look hot..." and I leer and drool a little bit. It sidetracks the conversation nicely every time. I'm not always a fool, you know!

7:54 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Haa....I call it 'SugarOverdose Day'. It's the only day I can eat a half of a cheesecake and not feel guilty. (speaking of big butts...)

(and just because I know y'all will appreciate my gripe, if my husband buys me another heart shaped box of Ghiradhelli chocolate, I'm going to cry. I hate those stupid caramel in the center nastiness!)

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Uncle Walt said...

Ok ... I'll bite.

Which St Valentine is the patron saint of pedophilia? There were at least three Saints with that name, two of which lived at the same time - and it's disputed whether or not those two are the same person.

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Uncle Walt said...

As to the answering that question, I'm with darev. Leering and lewd/suggestive comments.

Or, if they're asking from another room, I pretend not to hear. Suffering from Male Selective Hearing Loss (MSHL) can be a life saver.

1:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big butt, big woman and too damn sexy for most men to handle.

One of the little guys at my office made a rude comment about my size one day and I threatened to squash him like a bug using just one tit. I'm not sure what horrified him more, the thought I could and would do it or the realization that he wouldn't mind dieing that way.

6:25 PM  
Blogger Johann Jakob said...

I need a sign on my forehead that says 'smart', so I can figure out how to make comments on your blog.

6:28 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Donna, you've got mid-west wisdom.

Pam, You've got Washington Wisdom.

Teri, beats onion shaped I suppose.

Ann, if you get a duffel bag then things are out of control.

Darev, More mid-west wisdom on your part.

Amy, send them up here. P.S. you'll feel guilty tomorrow.

Walt, the one that was sending love letters to the prison guards 14 year old daughter.

Anon, Just one tit eh? That really made me laugh.

Johann, Welcome to Rust. Blogger doesn't make it easy, but it looks like you figured it out. You can always post anomalously, but I do like when anomys type in a name at the end. What ever works for you is good.

7:06 PM  

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