The Neighborhood
When I first moved here there were very few neighbors and the ones I had couldn’t be seen through the trees. Life was good them, but with the combination of the over-development of this desirable real estate and the storm of 2007 that took all the trees I can now see close to 20 houses from my place.
Though I am on a first name basis with maybe five of these neighbors, I have no idea who the rest are and I don’t really care to make their acquaintances. Instead I prefer to give them the names they deserve because of what they do. Just like how people who in the past ran a mill became the Miller’s; I have renamed the neighborhood.
I started this tradition when I had neighbors that fought all the time. I called them the Goddamnit’s. They would shout one another’s’ name followed by the word Goddamnit.
There are the Drivers. All day, every day they drive they drive away and return not long after. They have at least five cars and there is rarely a ten minute rest when one of them isn’t going up or down their road.
Then there are four families of Lighthouses. These are folks that love illuminating the outside of their houses and yards to the point where I probably don’t need to turn the lights in my house. The sun-like glow makes it possible for me to see the colors of my walls at night just from the light they share with the neighborhood.
Then there are the Tillers. This family somehow doesn’t like mowing their lawn so every year they bring in a tractor with a tiller and they plow it all under.
Then there are the Burners. This family has a major pit fire every week and I have no idea where they get all the brush to burn. I generate a lot of burning material with brush, scrap wood and old bee boxes but I generally burn once a year. These people burn nearly every weekend and I have to figure they take on the burning material of others.
Finally there are the Outofdoors. This is a family that is outdoors all the time. Day or night no matter what the weather they are out there, adults, kids and pets. I have no idea what they are doing out there, but they are outside making family noises all the time.
posted by The Guy Who Writes This at 4:00 AM
7 Comments:
All of my neighbors with colorful names have had their houses foreclosed on and moved away. I always called the ones on the west the Dopers, but they could also have been known as the M.F.s, since that's what they often called one another during an argument. Or the Dozers, since they never mowed the yard, only used the bulldozer on it when the weeds got tall. The ones on the southeast were always "the slobs". The unkept property looks no different now that it did when they lived there. A mess. Both the empty houses would be better off burned down.
And if they had a similar naming system, what would they call you? LOL
Donna, at least they are gone.
Anon, We would be called "Those people with that F***ing Rooster"
Hee hee hee! Sounds like my naming system for the people at work. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes you have to think about it just a little.
Sounds like us.
We've aquired nicknames for most...
Glove - the guy wears gloves 24/7
Yeller - yells 24/7
Daycare - must be a side business. Joy.
Russian Mafia - From Russia with love
Tony Stuart - looks like NASCAR guy
Yogurt - insists on going shirtless & 200 lbs shy of slim
Good Humor - had the commercial freezer in his garage
Preemie - first child born at 25 weeks and lived!
(since moved and has new name. Homicide house)
The Burbs - got nothing on them
Ball-less - the wife screams at the husband so much that he's.....
We should be The Losers. For having so many names.
Darev, Yes, "Rev"
Danielle, I bet they call you the A Family from all the letter A's you have strewed about.
I like to name houses by their animals:
Harry Hounderson's - sweet old bloodhound with a huge voice
Spy Cat - likes to watch you walk by
Chicken House - well, you know
Then there's Turban Lady. Sadly gone now, but we still call it that.
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