Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Other Towns in Dried Salmon County

I often write about Astoria or living out in the unincorporated County, but I don’t often mention the other towns in Dried Salmon County. I’ve been asked to comment on my impressions of other towns in the county, so here goes.

Knappa / Svenson: would be a great place to live if the taxes were lower and if it weren’t downstream from Wauna. I’ve heard the occurrences of cancer in that area are higher. Also there are ongoing battles between who is better, Morgan owners or Arabian owners.

Taylorville: I’ve never had a reason to go there, and I understand that the people who live there have no reason to go there either.

Gearhart: That town that really wants to be special, but still doesn’t have it’s own zip code. It could easily be renamed as Codger Town.

Cannon Beach: See this article in my archives from July, “When exactly did Cannon Beach start sucking?

Tolovanna Park and Arch Cape: These towns are basically Gearheart with their own zip codes.

Jewell: The reports of in-breeding there are greatly exaggerated, however there is obviously still a big problem with line-breeding.

Elsie, Hamlet, Birkenfield: Nothing there to comment on?

Hammond: Unfortunately you have to get there by the river or ocean or pass through Warrenton. Land locked…bummer.

Seaside: Not my favorite town, but I do have to give it credit for fiscal soundness. Astoria is always bitching about not having money for this and that, but Seaside has a lot of infrastructure and things for its citizens, and it never seems to run out of money or at least it doesn’t complain about it. Their future challenges are the relocation of the sewer plant and a new library. So it is a town for tourists, which I am not one, so I don’t go there.

Warrenton: (If you are local you call it Warrington) A big swamp where fundamentalist Christians and Republicans live. They do anything to attract big box business to make the coast look like any other suburban shit-hole town outside of Portland. I once heard that sea gulls fly upside down over Warrenton because it isn’t worth shitting on. This town is the only place where I would actually endorse an LNG facility because if we do get LNG shoved down our throat by the federal government, placing it in Warrenton will only screw up ship traffic up until Warrenton and not all the way through Astoria and up river. And if by any chance there is ever an accident…well, it’s only Warrenton, who cares. Besides the crater may be good for fishing someday.


Anonymous Jenn said...

I don't mean to be a party-pooper but Birkenfeld is in Columbia County.

8:49 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

It is 5900 feet straight line distance from the Dried Salmon County line.

8:54 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Phew, we don't get to keep all the joy to ourself.

9:00 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

They have straight lines out there?

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brownsmead, a beautiful, peaceful,
friendly place to live.

9:07 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

I'm holding off on Brownsmead until the Bradwood Landing thing blows over. But while we are at it, is there a conspiricy in Brownsmead to get people lost by the lack of directional signs. I spent a week there once trying to get back to
Hwy 30. Fortunately the wind shifted and the smell from Wauna told me which way was East.

But I agree, it is a beautiful place. Let's hope no one discovers it in the way that they've discovered the area where I live.

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a celebrity.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

Obviously, I'm not familiar with these places, a situation I hope to ammend one day. But your seagull comment was funny as hell!!

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is easy to lose your direction in Brownsmead, no matter which road you take, you stumble on beauty and enjoy the ride.
Maybe I'm just used to it, I never smell Wauna.

10:56 AM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

I saw Carrie's post, and it was the first positive local blog comment I've gotten. Actually I did have another once, but that honeymoon was short lived. Anyway, I wrote an article on Monday which will be posted tomorrow where I talk about blogging locally and I have very favorable things to say about Mother of Three, and I'm not trying to kiss her butt or anything, I wrote it on Monday.

Syd, it's true, the goddamn gulls fly upside down over Warrenton ; )

Best not to talk up Brownsmead too much, it will be invaded if you do.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous portosan said...

Hi everyone. I read this entry in this excellent blog this morning and decided to activate my account and introduce myself.

I appreciate the link to "when did cannon beach start to suck" Thank you.

It's all relative. Cannon Beach started to suck for me when I moved here, last year.

It's noisy, constant f&%king racket, traffic, construction, power equipment and I am annoyed as heck. I have the expectation of a quiet place to live, take a nice walk. I may have not thought the move to Cannon Beach through fully, taking in the tourist draw, investment and development. I moved here to get away from that lifestyle/attitude and I believe that is true for some personality types that settle in the north coast.

Anyway I am pissed off. It may be that I took this week to put off my work, stay at home and recharge/heal from working my but off all winter and summer. Did not want to hear power equipment and trucks. I will get over it. Great music on the radio this afternoon though and still, a nice area to walk. Thank you Guy for this blog.

12:00 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Welcome Portosan, and I'd love to hear the story behind that name.

CB may suck, but at least John Fraser is still there. The funny thing about that town is that I spent a lot of time there when I first moved to Oregon 18 years ago. I even worked in a shop there for about 6 months just for shits and grins. I got to know a lot of people in town, and even dated a few women from town. I then went to visit the East Coast for a month and when I got back to CB, it was like no one remembered who I was and that we actuall once hung out together. It's Stepford, Oregon. Be careful.

12:20 PM  
Anonymous portosan said...

Hey thank's.

"Stepford, Oregon?" I thought. I did not know what you were talking about, so I rented the movie and oh my gaaawwwdd! I get it now, I live in a town that is too pefect to a fault.

Movie just finished up and so am I for that matter. I chose to go to work today after all. I will try again to get some recharge time in say, February. No mowers or blowers or hammers. No truck's. No fu%&cking lawn crews at 8am up and down our pefect streets. Besides, I don't think robots do very well in the rain. I will have the town back to myself then. Yay, get the roads back too. Geez, did I say recharge time? I got'ta get out of this place.

As for the name Portosan, It's not much of a story and I will tell it another time when it would not be so off the topic of "other towns in dried salmon country". Maybe when I write mu oughn daimn b-log. The short of it is that I thought Honey Pot was too girly, so I chose the name Portosan.

I read your Blog every day, it's great.

10:47 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Thanks, Portosan. I'm delighted you choose to spend some of your free time here at Rust.

Sorry you had to sit through that film, I would have gladly explained my statement further had you asked. However if you really want to see a great film, check out "Bliss" the Aussie one not the two American films with the same title. It stars Barry Otto. The cover will show a man with a mustache and some elephants. Even after 25 years this film is probably the best out there.

So please start blogging, and let us know the address. We all can use a good read here is Dried Salmon County.

7:51 AM  

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