Tuesday, November 20, 2012


I am for the most part a man without fear.  This is not to say I’m one of those guys who says, “Hold my beer” and goes off on an Darwin Award winning performance of stupidity.  I just don’t fear things that many people fear, like creepy/crawlies, the dark, Hell fire, avenging gods…

I have done things and assumed the risk of inherent dangers, such as working on roofs, driving in hazardous weather conditions and riding horses that weren’t suitable for a rider of my skill level.   I’ve worked overly aggressive bees and even stood atop a ladder collecting bees from walls of a barn.  I’ve done these things without fear, but with a healthy and sober respect for the situation and with a hopeful beneficial outcome.

Oddly there is only one thing I do have trepidation with.  One might even call it a fear; though I do tread cautiously and respectfully.  My fear is escalators.  When confronted with one I will always pause and wait for just right moment and then I leap on.  If I am wearing shoes with laces I’ll pause ten feet before the landing to make sure my laces are not anywhere that can be sucked in the maw of my mechanical demon.

When the ride is at an end I will bound off like a deer going over a fence so as to avoid a conflict as the step plates vanishes beneath the tines at the end.

I no longer come across unavoidable circumstances where an escalator is the only option.  I never go to shopping malls and I’m not even sure if any shopping malls in Oregon have an escalator.  The Portland Air Port is the only place I know of locally that has one.  When confronted with an escalator I will use it with caution, awareness and respect.


Blogger ErinFromIowa said...

I am the same way about escalators!

9:52 PM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

Whoop! So if there's ever a cornfield at the top of an escalator I'm assuming neither one of us will be there any time soon.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous gearhead said...

My biggest fear, and the most terrifying moment of my life is driving out into that assinine intersection by the Astoria bridge.
Horns honkingg, tires screeching, cars swerving... I was given the finger more times while in that intersection than in my entire life combined!
The next time I have to go through that intersection I am going to stop short, call a tow truck and have my car dropped on the other side.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Auntie said...

just the thought of you actually IN a mall cracks me the hell up.

2:00 PM  
Blogger The Guy Who Writes This said...

Erin, we can form a club.

Darev, It's hard to believe that you work where you work and are afraid of corn.

Gearhead, You should have seen what sort of mess was there before they put in the roundabout. Next time you'll need to drive the killer truck if you want respect.

Auntie, Yes, I'm really out of place in malls. Actually, I'm out of place in most places.

6:47 AM  
Blogger darev2005 said...

If I'm ever chasing an escaped inmate and he goes up an escalator and runs into a cornfield, I'll just stop in my tracks and say "I'm done. Whatever is in there will eat him, anyway."

8:25 AM  
Anonymous Dalia said...

I have the same fear!

9:17 PM  

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